Wings

Of Migratory Wings...

2007-03-12T16:12:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm officially pissed off with Blogger not updating my osts, having to log in 3 times to get anywhere and having the same boring pap and text on my account with no choons. Therefore, I am flying south for the spring and taking my blog over to 'Myspace'. It's a little more up to date and no doubt most of you here under the age of thirty three have an account.
So flitter over to www.myspace.com/wingsstoke and get yourselves added under my friends!

Salut!

xxxxx

Of Febuary, Holidays, Valentines and Derek!

2007-02-20T18:33:00.000-08:00

SERVE PIPING HOT THROUGHOUT.

BEATS SNOW, DRIZZLE AND HANLEY!

THIS IS ROSEY. SHE LIKES WEED, BACARDI AND THE SOUND OF HER OWN LUNGS

WHAT DO YOU THINK WAS SCARIEST, THE ORB ON THI PICTURE OR THAT SMILE AFTER YOUR SUPPER?

Well the 1st of Feb saw me and Rob jetting off once more cramped into a Thomsonfly crate to Gran Canaria to another 2 weeks of sun, dunes, tipple and shite all. We revisted water parks, burnt ourselves nicely on the beach (Gas Mark 6, 35 minutes each side and baste until golden), got acustomed to the smell of carrot oil, ate nothing but avacadoes where permitted and restocked on several litres of raspberry vodka on the way home. Valentines was spent in our favourite italian there and with it being our last night we thought we'd go to all our regular bars (such interesting names as 'Wunder-Bar' and 'Spartacus') for a goodbye cocktail. Or 6. Rob ended up draggin me home paraletic at 4am only to get up at 10am again for our plane home. Note to the wary children: never fly on a hangover in turbulance while the hostess tries to make you eat salty chicken cobbler. Blurgh. The only thing that stopped me from decoratignt the ladies Lulu autobiography next to me with puke was the vision of Ashton Kutcher in a swimming pool on the screen in front of me.
Of course you would think with such a hectic last night and nightmarish flight home we'd recover over the weekend. Not if Paul and Steve had anything to say about it. On friday night we were wrapped up warm and popped into a mini bus with 11 other victims of a haunted stay in Derby Gaol. Oh how we laughed. On the way there at least. My time there was mostly filled with robust manly yells - ok I squealed like a bith when something pushed into me and scratched my face. I've never contorted myself over moving furniture, flying glasses and phantom dogs before in my life. It was awesome and even skeptical Bobby saw a figure in a hat in a doorway. Lets just say I was happy to be in my own bed away from 17th century prison guards and a couple of mediums who looked like blamanche that had squeezed through a keyhole and reformed on the other side. We shall still be visiting again although I've told my lil sis Ree that she can't come as she will cosmically piss her knickers.
Other than family do's and a reluctancy to start back work today it's been an otherwise gentle month. I promise I'll update this better next month now I'm in one place. Just like I swear to give up booze, figures, cheese and red meat.
Toodles!

Of January, Customising, Packing and Widgets!

2007-02-20T18:12:00.000-08:00

THIS WAS A FABULOUS SHOT. BUT THEN I HAD A GIN.

I CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER WHAT PAUL HAS DROPPED TO MAKE SHERRIN PULL THIS FACE...

...AND BECAUSE YOU CAN NEVER HAVE ENOUGH CLOWN PICTURES TO FREAK YOUR SISTER OUT WITH

Well, January was more about New Years than anything else. We thought we'd invite a few over for some sherrys and finger food in what ended up to being a small mini bar and 1st class finger buffet! We had the usual Madam, Paul, Steve, Colin and Neil pop in as well as Adam and Kim, Mother, Sherrin, Jez, Ant and Byron, Markypoos and others that my hazey clamour cannot recount. With the usual jollities of Singstar, Buzz, booze quaffing and Robs God awful taste in music (backed up by Steve and Gloria - old shits) the party was going swimmingly. That is until I had a brainwave and tried to mess with the DJ by stealing the iPod remote for the telly. After being ganged upon and torn to pieces I reluctently had it prised out of my fingers after just one chorus of 'Who's Your Daddy'. Tragic. I then needed to spend most of the night in my bedroom (or what turned into the chill out room) with the window open fully just to cool down from my scarring encounter. However many a guest came for a spread much to Princess Stephanies chargrin who thought I was in a tizz. Which of course is her forte.
I have also decided to take my figure/geek hobby one step further by starting to customise my own. Using taxidermy putty (I kid thee not), geek paints and various rubber bands I've started to flog them on eBay with a healthy mark up too! Disgraceful behaviour I agree but I'll get out more in the summer.
Me and Bobby were also packing for our much anticipated and eagerly waited holiday to Gran Canaria so plenty of trawling shops for shorts. In january. So you can guess how easy that was. But sun lotion was on the cheap so not all bad.
We'd also like to ask WTF on the whole migrating to Google malarky. So I can do what exactly? If I should wish to teach the nation which songs I'm listening to at the moment (Sting Me Red by Who Da Funk, Crystalline Green by Goldfrapp and Perfect Exceeders for those asking) then surely I would doodle it down here. Not illegally trade them with skanks in New Zealand? Anyhoo Limewire is quicker. What's a Widget anyhoo?

Of December, Angels, Pirates, Dorothy and Mimmus

2007-01-22T13:35:00.000-08:00

OH MIMMUS TREE OH MIMMUS TREE HOW WONDERFUL ARE YOUR PLASTICS.

AND LO' IT CAME FROM ABOVE

EYE EYE!

FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK... FORGET IT...

BREWERS NOSE? THAT'S BREEDER JUICE FOR YA!

SAY 'ARRRRRRRRRRRR' DEAR

Wings

Well here's part 2 of my catch up session. December, the month of giving and receiving what usually turns out to be a pile of stuff you have to wince at and comment on how 'different' it is.
There was the inevitable array of parties, soirees, social occasions and arsing about in fancy dress. Yes in true Wings stylee yours truly found every which way excuse to don ridiculous flammable clothing that caused itching, rashes and other dole-scum symptoms (see: heavy sweating).
One such event was Paul's family Christmas do in Mongey Congey Mitch club. We got aquainted with such characters as Pauls Grandpa, his partytastic mother and Steves usual comatose state after a gin too many. After picking up various feathers and watching Gloria's Dorothy make up escape across the floor (it was f**king roasting you see) it was time to fold Seaman Steve into a bus and ensure he didn't bring the chicken drumsticks up over Nellys straw arms. A usual night in all.
Christmas was a bit of a different pace for once. Finding myself off on a christmas eve for the first time in 6 years left me discovering what the other youth of today usually get up to on the festive occassion. Turns out it was the usual thing the youth of today do on any given night; drink, swear, fall over, snog and cry. Of course being the mild mannered upstanding member of society I am no such instance occured that night for me. But Madam more than made up my share as did Mr Davenport. So the universal balance was restored. Also discovered the new bar Blush in hanley this month where the dear Soph (see Red posts in 2005) is now a bar manager and Vanity Case appears on stage. The guy who owned Fluid has done up Flickers so it's actually kinda classy and plenty of spaces to quaff (oh yes it's a quaffing kinda place) free chambers. Or Asti. Thanks to Robs shennanigans we managed to convince Vanity that it was Madams 21st birthday one night. I think she was more insulted that anyone would find her 19 year old frame to look 21. Needless to say she sank her share of the bottle and has now ended up working there although what date of birth she gave is unknown...
Christmas day had all the usual joys of getting heart burn from Pop Tarts (Xmas day treat for 11 years running), making my annual visit to see my mental Gran (who accused me of making crackers and threatening to "cut that fringe straight"), eating my body weight in goose, ham, potatoes, bacon apricot rolls etc and passing ut on the settee at mum's watching naff telly. WINNER! Had some great stuff and possibly half the stock of the Hanley Lush store.
Being as I'd managed to wrangle most of christmas off I got to spend plenty of time with Bobby to celebrate our 2nd one together. Methinks that covers most of december. Except of course for the social event of the calendar year. But we're saving that for January...
Ride the Walrus!
Wings xXx

Of November, Jack, Who's Your Daddy and Singstar!

2007-01-15T06:02:00.000-08:00

INTRODUCING JACK!
DEATH BECOMES HER AND HIM...

Wings
Well as promised we have a few slight overviews due for the last oh lets say few months. So I'm going to do a very quick recap of what I remember of November last year...
There's a new member in the Bobby and Ben household. November saw the entrance of Jack the Kakariki Parakeet. He's a lil cheeky and does like to mutter to himself but he's started to show his clever side by talking to telephones and carpet bombing us with Vodka Bottletops. Oh and he has a habit for swooping at Paul - titter.
Of course we had Guy Fawkes night with all that firework malarky so it was off to Auntie Glo's and Uncle Nellys for a display of Asda proportions. Yes there was a lovely spread as usual and not of the usual variety Gloria offers too; she was wearing trousers. No we thought it would be awfully good to get £15 worth of fireworks. Or should we say roman candles. Yes we revelled in the hilarity of writing swear works with sparklers for the neighbours and placing bets on whether the next rocket would either a) go off while Rob was lighting them or b) put next doors windows through. To say the fireworks had no idea where the sky sat is a lil understatement. After cremating the hyasynths we carried on getting jolly and seeing how much of the firework code we could remember - thrilling!
Many an evening was spent both at Chateau de Pansie (Paul and Steve) and Maison de Mimsey (Ours) for riotous acts of Singstar and listening to Steve claim his buzzer was rigged. Yes of course it was and strange how it always seems to be his no matter which he's on!
Me and Shelly also re-discovered the joys of Benny Benassi with our new question for all things work based "Who's you're Daddy?" (ceramoniously followed with the squeal "You're My Daddy!") as well as the usual bitching and bloke bothering.
I also had a chance to properly clear the air with Martini on a night at the Club (which are getting fewer and further between). After an hour long chin wag and catch up in the Tuns I think we both got to an understanding and managed to put a lot of rumours to rest. And then we got twatted until 5:30 am - huzzah! It's been a while since I managed such a feat but needless to say it was well worth it especially with Martini, Markivieve and Miss Burgerclit!
So in true Novemebr stylee, Ride the Walrus!

Wings xx

Of Waving Not Drowning

2007-01-10T09:49:00.000-08:00

Wings
I have not died - I am very much breathing. 4 month update on it's way!

Of Dinnerparties, Craig Robinson, Stella's Arse and Rocky...

2006-10-03T15:36:00.000-07:00

IT'LL ALL END IN TEARS

BETTY LEGLESS DIAMONDS

DJ BOX OR FLIGHT DECK... WE COULDN'T DECIDE...

THERE'S ALWAYS ONE SAMBUCA THAT DOESN'T QUITE LIGHT RIGHT...

NOTHING AS CLASSY AND NECKING NEAT BACARDI FROM A TOOTHBRUSH BEAKER...

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN MISS STELLA ARSE-TOIS!

Wings
Hello all. I'm keeping this one brief as I have a date with a nightcap and a cookie waiting for me. It's been another rushed month has september - what with work, catching up with family and friends, and hob nobbing at Stropon and Pauls delightful social event, the wife and I have been kept busy.
It has been decided you can have just as much fun making 1am calls to Craig Robinson with Neil Pepper than it is dancing like an arobics addict up hanley. It's a damn sight cheaper and there's more homous too...
We also discovered nurses are not the best person to watch a theatrical performance with unless you want the version of Rocky Horror that has audience participation of "Go home Janet it's not*HIC* safe!" All good fun. We also learned that no camera, no matter how advanced can capture Ms Artois heiny clearly; as displayed above. We also know what she does at the pulpit...
Enjoy the extra birthday piccys and a proper catch up soon.
Night night xxx

Of Stella, Passage Del Stella and Val Stella...

2006-09-14T15:04:00.000-07:00

RHIA COULDN'T QUITE FINISH ALL HER SPERM...

GLORIA, MAMMA GOBJOB, STEVE, ME, PAUL, MADAM AND BOBBY

STRIKE A POSE!

FANCLUB!

STELLA SUPERIOR, BEHOLD HER HOLY STANCE!

Wings
Was it a bird? Was it a plane? Was it a 6 foot 2 dream come true with backless nun outfit - I think so. Yes gentle hearts Stellafest '06 has come and passed us by leaving us sore, bruised and defiled. There was sickness, wetness, hand prints and keyrings a plenty. So let us start with the friday...
Me, Rob, Rhia and Beth got to the sunny littered shores of Blackpool in time for tea so it was a quick check into our respective hotels to see how much booze we could hide in coat sleeves, handbags and small mammals. The first thing I noticed in Guyz was the fact that the bar and breakfast lounge was complimented by a glass cabinet full of sex toys. A small branch of Anne Summers bondage wear if you will. To be fair our room was clean and pleasant even if you did have a shower in the wardrobe and no room to swing the resident 1 eyed cat (cute as it was). And yes, that sink kept me entertained into the wee hours. Rhia however complained about the fact there were handprints above the bed in their room and Beth thought it a crying shame that the butch looking hotel manager Steve had such a mince on.
Off to Harry Ramsdens for tea to feed the gannets and feel that lovely mud water at the front of the pier; it was safe to say we were knackered by night time to meet Paul, Steve and Colin at Funny Girls (fashinably late as ever). Rhia and Beth had their handful with Sperm in the cleanest possible way and Gloria made beautiful Betty Legs faces with his rather agile lips! After a mediocre show and burning heels it was off to Mardi Gras to Stella-spot but the only entertainment we saw there was a bizzare blond fellow giggling to my sister in a very 50's way and some 55 year old Butlins drop out doing very interesting Billy Joel songs. So home we trotted for an early one although we missed a Stella performance by 15 minutes!
Saturday saw the usual rides at the pleasure beach with Madam meeting us and not being too impressed with Val Halla, Rhia falling in love with the Noahs Ark and Steve going suspiciously silent mid air on Bling. All in all a jolly good Ponchoriffic day with a belter of a night to follow. Mrs Gobjob (aka mother) took Nellys place on the tiles and gotta say the new Handbag was stunning but the Flamingo is excellent - far better than the last one I dare say. With terraces, light up dance floors, bubble machines, fire breathers, spark grinders, go go boys, frosted glass bars and invisible steps it wasn't as though you were in blackpool anymore - a feat in itself. Madam took a fancy to a chappy who was taking photos for the club and sellin them as keyrings of which we ended up with six just so he could find out when he finished! Flamingos itself is on loads of floors all of which again face to the dancefloor in a staged effect this time. Me and Madam were the last girls standing returning home when the booze funds had run out and our trousers were covered in ticker tape.
Big thank you to all who could attend and Stella for baring her brick layer arse on the saturday. Yes we did manage to catch her for an hour or so on the saturday before Flamingo and even got a piccy of the buxom beauty shimself although we hope Stropon has better quality pics once they're printed! All round a freakin awesome weekend which I'm still feeling (in my shoes, tummy and the mysterious rash that's spread across my back...)
OH how we laughed.
We laughed
and laughed
and...

Wings xXx

Of Collage, Sisters and Guyz...

2006-09-01T16:52:00.000-07:00

Wings
While tripping on Picasa, Pomegranate juice and vodka I have created this little doozy of a picture in honour of three things: 1) All things me and Bobby (watch us get wider!) 2) My many hair do's 3) Cos I needed to proove to my sister that I don't pout on every pic. Just most...
I'm also hoping to pick my fave hairdo to have mine chopped for my 24th next weekend. I've got Madam as personal stylist and the things he can do to a shoddy barnett are pretty outstanding even if you can't approach naked flames all night... I've also found out that both of my sisters (as in blood not sista) are going to stay the friday night in blackpool too - which should be pretty darn wicked. Methinks Mr Johnson shall be bummed at missing this little affair considering last time they came out with me together was for my 21st in school uniform and he had a cane. Yes. Well.
And our final discovery this week is that the hotel me and Rob are staying in is alled Guyz and it seems to be taking after its name sake. When Beth and Rhia tried to book a room too they were told no boobies. Now the only place I know that is men only is Trades. Now as my mother reads this blog I won't go into too much detail as to what that sort of 'hotel' this is but needless to say you don't need a key for your room. Eek. So I may be crashing on the floor in Mardi Gras with the others.
Anyhoo big big update next week with plenty of pics no doubt. I'm klempt thinking of it :)
Toodles,
Wings xxx

Of Pride, Tickertape and Bumper Cars...

2006-08-27T17:20:00.000-07:00

OK OK I STAND CORRECTED IT WAS A LORRY COVERED IN CREPE PAPER...

" JIMMY DECIDED TO STOP AND PLAY 'SPOT THE GAY' "

HAIR MODEL 6.09 OF THE YEAR SO FAR...

Wings
Just a quicky with updates from the weekend. I must say Pride wasn't AS bad as I thought it would be. I mean the mincers, gurners and kiddies with body dismorphic features still ran riot but there was a pretty good buzz about the place too because the locals were in a minority. I witnessed my first ever parade and found out it's not just about people looking like idiots in hotpants. They're the clubs floats like essential and cruz 101. There were youth organisations, police support groups, nhs workers, health awareness, parents of poofs and the usual political bumf headed by handlebar moustached marys. Was nice to see ordinary shoppers clapping and not just watching the freak show. Pity it's one day a year really.
Actually scrap that idea I couldn't do with being applauded fetching shampoo from boots...
Canal street was a little packed but enjoyed the fact you could sit outside and drink in the road and the evening was warm enough for the balconie to all be open (we need these more often). I even got to test my nimble skills on the dodgems although Rob, Adam and Kim were a bit too scared to go on any of the adult rides. We'll soon change that on Pleasure Beach. We also bumped into Matt who was a lil worse for wear so hope he gets well soon. I'm now nursing a bad back and may have had the worst nights sleep ever the history of pillows. I blame the nachos...
Night night xxx

Of Weddings, Tourettes, China and Liverpool...

2006-08-24T16:59:00.000-07:00

SALLY NEEDED TO BE SURGICALLY SEPERATED FROM HER VODKA AND ORANGE...

BENJAMIN BUBBLES BON BONS, MARKUS JAMES MOUSE, THE GERBIL AND SALLY MOOSE

Wings
Well it's been another hideously long time since I last did a proper update on here gentle folk so thought I would snag time in between beating off eBay queries and the ironing (oh what an anarchaic little world I live in). We can also blame big brother for my lack of postage until now as everytime I've been online I've been checking on who has stolen the last teabag and who hasn't washed their vest yet... Gotta say BB7 got a bit shite towards the end so I suppose you really can have too much of a good thing. Boring characters were all that were left and I feel a bit miffed that Pete only really won because of his Tourettes as he did little else than bang on a few utensils in the last two months...
Anyhoo 2 weeks to go until the big birthday launch and to think it's been a year since our last little swarei to Blackpool. Yes I know I harp on about it more than most but I really am looking forward to it. Alas Christobelle and Sherrin cannot attend but we still have enough of a troop to storm Val Stella and provide cannon fodder for Miss Artois. It's also been ages since I last had a good boogie with my Bobby as I rarely go fancy hanley town these days. Having said that Manchester Pride is this weekend and I'm being dragged kicking and screaming to my first ever event. I've never much fancied the idea of muscle mimsys in pink licra hot pants waving that God awful rainbow flag on top of a tractor covered in crepe paper. I mean it's such a good portrayal of how we live our lives in the pink. Yes you can often find me trotting around Asda at 10pm covered in silver glitter screaming and mincing about gay rights in some vain attempt at getting my picture printed on the centre pages of 'Zone' magazine. We've got partnership rights and section 28 lifted - do we need to make characateurs of ourselves much more?
Keen readers of this site will also know I don't like manchester too much either. Three things - overpriced, stuck up and pill heads. However on the plus side Adam and Kim are coming with us (who are a really cool couple Rob has been mates with for a few years) and I get to spend the weekend away with Bobby in a hotel room so not all MEH!
Speaking of city hopping I also got to see Steve for a half day thursday catch up in Liverpool for a bit of shopping and site seeing before we got caught in the loudest thunderstorm. Best excuse for spontaneous coat purchase methinks!
In other news I've had a few cases of reminisance this last month or so. When I was in high school and through college Me, Mark Johnson (who you can check out at www.thinkingcowboy.blogspot.com) Sally Jones and Lisa Barnett would stop at eachothers houses a couple of times a month for sleep overs. We'd do the usual of wandering the streets in our pyjamas at 4am, listen to these new things called "CD's" camping in the garden, have food fights and watch 'Wet Weekend' (which was a video I half inched off somebody who will remain nameless on here!) and never tire of doing the same things over and over. Three weeks ago Lisa got married to her longterm boyfriend Chris and we all got together in one room for the first time in about 6-7 years, and the whole group dyamic hadn't changed one bit. I was still the smart mouth, Mark was still the refined brains, Sally was still the giggly shy one and Lisa is a bubbly nutter still. And it was almost as if we were still 14 if only we weren't all so physically different than way back then and we had access to the toy machine in the mens loo's! Two weeks ago Mark had his leaving do in Kidsgrove as he moves to China this friday to teach for a couple of years. Again lots of faces I've not seen for years and a good chance to listen to Mark do his kareoke. All night. Many times. To some rather questionable tunage...
Last week Sally got married too to her childhood sweetheart Daniel. It's weird because suddenly I feel grown up and it's taken this month for it to hit me that I'm not a kid anymore scrimping by week by week acting like a birk every weekend and regretting it sunday morning. I'm comfortable now money wise. I'm in a strong relationship. And my friends do grown up things now like marry, get mortgages and work abroad not just consume their body weight in vodka jelly. And it's cool. Even if I ddo have two full glass cabinets of X-Men figures and a habit of watching Spongebob squarepants when I get home from work.
Just ask me how I'm finding not being a kid when I'm 30 though...

Of Names In Lights...

2006-08-04T10:24:00.000-07:00

Wings

"Brings her own kind of cabaret to Blackpool. She has appeared in many West End musicals which include Me and My Girl, My Girl, West Side Story, Les Miserables, Cats, Billy and Singing In The Rain"

Who is this wonderous and spectacular star of the stage?

"She has also appeared on Broadway, in Sweeny Todd and a chorus line. Whilst in the states she worked as a cabaret singer in Las Vegas. She brings us her own kind of comedy and stunning vocal talents"

Is it the illustrious Julie Andrews? Could it be the gin rattling cirriculum vitae of Angela Langsbury?

Dear reader, this is the career history of the brickie with a bulge, the labourer with a labia, the tatoo of the toto...
STELLA ARTOIS!
Check out www.towncasinos.com/towns/blackpool/night-life/mardi/photo.html

Truly a treasure!

Of Soft-Tops, Gardening, Wales and Cillit Bang!

2006-07-26T16:41:00.000-07:00

THIS IS POTTSY - SHE IS DANGEROUS. 'NUFF SAID REALLY...

THIS IS SHELLY - SHE IS A FESTITUTE AND HAS PROBLEMS WITH TRIFLE...

MORE THAN CAPABLE OF HANDLING MY WORK AS YOU'LL AGREE...

Wings
Hello one and all and welcome to another fun filled edition of Wings! We've been enjoying the weather and the cancer inducing heat wave that has caught us pasty opaque brits off guard methinks. We here at Wings Towers have been making the most of the UV by lounging around at BBQ's, sitting outside doing 'serious work meetings' in the sun and getting our pins out in our manly England shorts.
We've had a catch up at Stroponstokes abode with much banter of the forthcoming Blackpool Birthday party and the lovely Miss Minogue hitting that high 'C' on dvd. We've also been out to the flicks and in with a bottle of stolli with Madam and her new squeeze Casper (see M4rcus for the Barnett family tree of pinkness) which has also prompted me to demand that Bobby magic up a topless car for us to ride around in too. I'm so easily amused when I can watch stars at 4omph! It seems Madam is leaving the stick of spinsterhood behind for the meanwhile and we're mighty proud he's found somebody who isn't going to travel off with the local circus or theatre group for once!
Mother has also been making sure her offspring suffer umbilical whiplash with the use of 5 spades, a pick, some sekatours and a skip. 25 years after installing half of Mow Cop in her back garden she has finally decided to put her adopted family to good use and have all three of us bring our respectable others over to Whitehill for our best Ground Force effort. Although Glen lacked the lustre of a pitch fork with udders a la Charlie Dimmock she sure was handy with her little posy basket. Mum worked hardest of all of course pointing at lumps of dirt, pounds of rock and dropping half a pig on the table for us all to inhale when the heat got too much - LOVELY!
I'm now watching my week drag like a lackluster conversation with Susie Verrico (you know the pout with a double D who played the keyboards in that Rober Palmer video and hordes PG Tips and Charmin Bog roll of all things). Methinks it has something to do with the fact I'm going to spend the weekend in Wales where I spent the folly of most of my youthfull summers throwing boulders in cow pat and leap froggin hay... My Nan is letting me and Rob use her rather ample static holiday home (or 8 berth caravan to you and me) for a cheap and easy weekend away of doing very little and getting some QT together. Much needed it is too.
As for Big Brother (yes, that again) thank God we as a nation saw it fit to kick out Fugly Jayne, emissions and all. "It's a shame if I do go", sweats Jayne in the diary room in her damp leggings, "cos there's a lot more of me, like, to come out of my shell". For a creature who spent 14 days swearing, belching, farting, scratching her camels toe, breaking rules and demolishing beds, it's an ominous proposal.
And if like me you have a minute or five to waste on the glorious world of the interweb do feel free to visit www.stroponstoke.blogspot.com and check out the fantabulous Spiral style rave remix of our dear friend BARRY SCOTT AND HIS SHOUTY BANG!!!

Of Tarts With Hearts, Career Advice And Blackpool...

2006-07-08T16:20:00.000-07:00

SPOT THE ROOTS...

IF I SAW THIS CREATURE IN MY HOUSE I'D STRING IT UP TOO!

Wings
Another week, another hairdo and another one of Sherrins booze mixing parties has passed us by. After finally meeting together under one roof for the the first time this year we have all made a date for Stella-fest '06. 09/09/07 will not only signify my 24th anniversary since I forced my mother through 20+ hours of stirrup hell but also our usual visit to the grey and polluted shores of Britains Armpit Coast. Can't wait!!!
I'm also still madly into Big Brother although I am weening myself off the websites and the extra programmes with the ever hypo beanpole of Russel. Still think it's the most amazing year so far. I even felt for Ash (the household Ghetto Princess... apparently) after she had to pick between Jonothan and an Irish rave monkey in a Kappa tracksuit complete with rave sticks and vics inhaler, to take back next door. Of course Ash doesn't want to cause offence to the people of Ireland. Well they've braved worse. She could try putting on knickers or shutting her knees when she comes to the diary room or buying a bigger pot of superdrug peroxide (she missed a bit).
And as for Leah, the tart with a heart, the paranoid plastic. She was upset at Dickie calling her fat but she's probably so off her rocker she's mishearing his voices for the toaster. Of course Dickies remarks about Wales are kinda putting me off mine and Robs lil trip there at the end of the month. After stating that if everyone in Wales was like Glyn and Imogen he would think again before visiting, the good people of Cymru are distraught. Devasted in fact. Yes as I type, news is reaching me that Cerys from Catatonia, Goldie Lookin' Chain and Charlotte Church are ganging together for a charity Eisteddfod to tempt the balding Canuck back. Dick-fest they're going to call it.
Seriously.
Also Glyn's bum-gifts of blackpudding and banana gasses can't be making the place friendly for scratch and sniff television, so I'm cutting down on my daily intake thanks to Emily at work (who has also funked my hair up in exchange for Linguini - NICE!)
In other news, Joey is applying for a job at voda, Skot is back off holiday with another bloody tan, Mark and Stuey have moved into a new place up the road near Hayley and Heidi, Madam and Casper have started to date now that Miss Lovatt's tonsilitis has stopped making him fall onto furniture and Mum still can't figure out the freeview, the TV, the computer or the mobile phone I've given to her this year. Still.
Anyhoo, I've a triple lot of South Park to fill my exhilerating saturday night with. Toodle-pip folks,

Wings xXx

Of Gloria, Sydney, Harold and Alexander...

2006-06-28T15:19:00.000-07:00

OH YES, MINT IN JIFFY BAG...

Wings

Amazing! I just found this lil gem on eBay peeps - bid now for your once in a lifetime chance to own this fine full set! Maybe a friend who collects brik and brak and nik and nak and things has a birthday coming up who would appreciate them? Just do a search on 'Orange Family' from any eBay site!
OK shameless plug over. Seriousy guys, ask what you want and bid what you can xx

Of Pill Heads, Strangers and Rants...

2006-06-23T17:47:00.000-07:00

JAMIE, BOBBY, MOI, EMMA AND DOM

Wings

Dear Reader. I write to you in the early hours of a saturday morning from my empty desk with a cup of cocoa while everyone else is out stomping it up the club for Dom's birthday celebrations. Why am I in you may ask? Well lets imagine that most of the people there were my mates at one time. One day a dick head came along and managed to convince them all to take, oh I don't know let' say for example ecstacy. Now let's pretend that these easily influenced individuals then go on to gear their whole lives to the next pill and talk about little else than talking walls and pink sheep. Now lets say there's only about three of us that don't need to crawl up the nearest horizontal surface to have a good night, and that we are getting more and more aware of just how much these tiny white tablets are gearing the others lives.
Now let's say this all happened fridy night and that I don't recognise one of my best mates, I walk home from one of their birthday do's and I avoid another one of them at work like the plague because of the label they carry.
After confiding in MAdam that I'm sick of watching those who will be unnamed thinking they're something else and that having an epileptic style dance fit on the tiles is impressive I decided to clear my head and natter with Marcia and Charlie upstairs in reception. After Marc agreed that he was sick and tired of having to watch out with Paul for who was on what, I decided I really have turned to despising the club. I don't have fun there anymore. My mates are off their collective faces gurning for fun and making twats of themselves. Some of the people in there buy their mates with little tabs of E and lines of coke. I wish it was back in the day of working there where the pill heads were dirt and a few drinks and a killer hangover was all that was needed for a crackin weekend not hallucinating about 10 foot mars bars and seeing who can pop the most before their eyes roll into their skulls. I wish I knew my best friend again and we could have monday nights laughing at Little Britain and having a goose. I wish the poisonous little scrotes who got them into this kind of crap would feck off to manchester with all the other pratts and dissapear into their crowd.
But wishing gets you very little so this rant will have to do for now.
In the words of Sherrin,

RAH

Wings xXx

Of Puke, Birthdays, Training and Hair...

2006-06-20T13:18:00.000-07:00

MADAM, JAMIE, MATCHU AND BOBBY A LA REVOS
ROB TENDS TO FIND THAT TARMAC CAN SOLVE MOST BACK ISSUES...

ME AND THE LOVELY MISS REDFERN!

ROB DECIDES THAT OLI'S CAR NEEDS SOME ARTWORK... BOWL STYLEE...

Wings
Hello and happy midsummers night to you all! I've been a busy bee of late what with training for the new jobby so let's crack on.
I managed to get the job at UHVC so I've been happily training for the last two and a half weeks across the Moat House Hotel. So lots of walking 5 minutes along the canal to work, sitting in the sun, eating free buffet food and positive talking to get me geared up for a more challenging role! Truth be told now all the hippy huggy stuff is over I just want to crack on the phones but I suppose another week of 9-4 in dress down won't hurt at full pay...
Also made a few new mates on my new team (which is a pretty close bunch) so no doubt there'll be plenty to write about this lot unlike the miserable bastards from sales!
18th also saw Rob's 27th (ok ok 23rd) birthday so we piled out on the saturday to celebrate with Madam, Matthcu, Jamie, Oli and Scott. I got a lil tipsy before we left ours going as far as to prompt Madam to style my hair 'big' for me. And funky it was too after starting off decidedly dodgy. Plenty of compliments from the local riff raff but I'll be fooked if I can redo it now during the week! Needless to say after a 7pm start Mr Locker only lasted until around 12:30 am where he made a bed out of the carpark next to the club. One car-decorating-with-dinner later he was in bed fast asleep while me and Gem had a rebout on Singstar 80's (gotta love Kate Bush). I helped to mend Rob with a meal up La Bella Napolli on the monday which seemed to do the trick, with lots of house planning and hanging around estate agencies windows in the dusky hours.
Dom's birthday looms this sunday so we're deciding on whether to go the flicks for the Omen or have another BB night in at mine to horde pringles and fizzy strawberry strips (gotta love macro for bulk crap). And can we just say HOW LAME was Grace's eviction on friday? I wanted to see her broken, torn apart and bloody but no. She just smiles with all those teeth and says she is a bitch. HELLO? British public have been aware of this for the last 5 weeks - at least have the decency to look a little ashamed for polluting our screens.
Cow.
Also spotted this month was Stropon wandering the back streets of hanley sporting his latest blond bob. Joey has started his job at the club with NeeNee salivating all the way. Mumsy went to Isle of Wight festival and has yet to tell me what went on (never a proud sign) and Rhia is finally on speaking terms with Dad and Nan again after 2+ years making mine and Beths lives a lil easier at Christmas. Ooooh, and Sherrin and Stropons birthdays loom ever closer so make sure you're at Chez Shez on the first of next month or feel her wrath. No doubt it'll be a rather jolly night of boozing, mixing and tiara wearing. And that's before we hit the club.
Till next time

DON'T TALK TO NO STRANGERS!

Wings xXx

Of Inverness, Propellers, Sleazer and X3

2006-05-31T15:18:00.000-07:00

ELLA, HAZEL AND UNCLE JOHN

OH YES, HE'S THE BUTCH ONE...

Wings
Much to write again tonight folks as I feel a lappy gums moment coming on. First off was the highly celebrated birthday of Madam who is 19 years young (bitch) and we celebrated in style mimicking all those sad slappers you see in a white limo glugging cheap cheap fizz and asking the driver to "Bond St Pats" (much to his amusement). Also the programme that has the nation gripped. Love it or hate it this has to be the most addictive BB to date! We've got rid of scary as hell Shabaz, stinky hippy Dawn, George the posh stereotype and Bonnah (and everythin). We've seen Sezer for the chauvinistic cocky prick he is (please go friday), Lea is really just a tart with a heart (love her), and now know what it's like in the mind of a child trapped in a 24 year olds body (Nikki the tantrum queen). Thankfully Rob is as sad as me although we were starved in Scotland as we spent the friday night watching Bonnah getting the boot from a bar in Edinburgh with Jez and the missed the saturday show to watch X-Men 3 in Inverness with my uncle. Which was totally worth missing my new pet project and the 2 year wait. What a film! I was in geek heaven spotting the cameos, random deaths and the lil clip after the credits (twist turn etc). Defo the best yet by far! Although gotta say the thrill of watching winged men crashing through windows and Jean doing her freaky phoenix thang was nothing compared to the heart pounding experience of getting on board an aircraft that used two hand held fans to keep it 25'000 foot in the air. Prop planes should have been abolished at the invention of the jet engine but no. Some fool decided to fly one on the way to Edinburgh in the rain and wind and.... meh! Was cool seeing my 20 month old cousin for the first time though - even if she did take more of a shine to Rob. He actually has a pretty strong untapped maternal streak too by the looks of it which was cute to see displayed on something other than a labrador pup.
Well my head is fried thanks to this grotty cold that seems to have gotten into the air con at work so I'll sign off now and update more accuratly laters methinx (and when this crap ass computer stops freezing when uploading pics). Till then tataa for now peeps
Wings xXx

Of Spinning, Abbreviations and BB7

2006-05-19T16:11:00.000-07:00

...AND WE ALL WONDERED WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO BABS...

Wings

OK. You go to the zoo. You visit the monkey house. It's full of bizzare hairy loud creatures. They're throwing faeces at eachother. It's disgusting, primal, aggressive and slightly funny. But you can't stop watching the mess behind the glass screen in front of you. This is exactly how I feel about Big Brother 7. After gathering the usual gang at mine for voddy and biccys we watched in horror as 14 of Britains (ok and 1 Canadian) weirdest citezens went into the second most famous house in Blighty. Between the wanker and whistle of Pete, the bum curling touchy feelyness of Shabaz and the shout at your telly Nikki I think we're in for a freaking STUNNER of a series. Love it or hate it but Big Brother has landed. And so goes my social life for 93 days...
Which should help me to concentrate a little more for my interview at work for UHVC (yes it wouldn't be vodafone if you didn't have an abbreviation) or Ultra High Value Care. No this is not a laundry detergent, it's a fully encompassing job of brown nosing, multi tasking and 30% more lolly on my current basic. So good karma headed wigsward for tuesday please folks.
I also find it to be my duty, nay, my MISSION, to warn you all of the Devil lurking in our midst since the end of 1998. No it's not the fluff under Glorias bed, it's the eternally damnable torture art commenly referred to as 'Spinning'. Imagine it if you will. You walk into a room with black walls and a couple of fans on the floor with a few rows of excercise bikes. About four middle aged skin sacks and an overly hyperactive gym lady with a croyden facelift and a penchant for wearing grey (just so you can see the sweat) join you. You think "hey an hours bike ride to Dance Nations 2004 doesn't sound that bad", right?
Wrong.
Half an hour in after my feet had flown out of the straps a few times, I'd dribbled lucozade hydro into my gasping mouth and lost the feeling in my ankles I was quite ready to use sheer will power to make my static vehicle run down the trollop who was mumbling enthusiastically for us all to "add resistance, a little faster, out of your saddle on four" etc.
Bitch.
After feeling pretty ill by the fact I'd had my tea about an hour before hand and sweating like a glass blowers arse me and Rob promptly went to the tuns for a swift one to celebrate Marcias birthday and listen to Ruby 'unique rendition' of Nelly the Elephant... hmmmm....
In other news it appears that the club is officially to aquire Bar Chronique (aka Bar PR mark2) and Monica is taking over Fusion (previously La De Daa) to further dilute Stokes waneing scene.
Also Madams birthday looms next wednesday with everyone in the same place at the same time so THAT should be interesting. Methinks an early sherry by the DJ box with Joan and Mattchu and me and Rob may slide up as the others start to scale the walls...
I'm off to bed now as too much BB has made me tired and my eyes are acheing.
Nighty Night xxx

Of Coffee, Breaking and Entering, Dr Dolittle and Getting My Hair Off

2006-05-07T14:34:00.000-07:00

MAH BLOSSOM TREE

CAN YOU SPOT WHERE THE STORAGE HEATER WAS?

THAT THREE BAR FIRE... SHUDDER

THE KITCHEN WHERE YOU COULD HAVE AN OVEN OR A FRIDGE BUT NEVER BOTH!

Wings

IT's been a busy couple of weeks for my poor feathered apendages. So sit back and get a coffee on...
Went to Sherrins last wednesday for a bloody good catch up. It's been ages since I sat with the Queen Bee balanced on her haphazard furniture, surrounded by cats, DVDs and pieces of ham. Miss Taylor and Dave came too and we just looked at photo albums, planned vigils in various monastaries and jails around Britain, touched upon the subject of Blackpool and more than once mentioned how we never get to do this sort of thing anymore. I can honestly say I probably saw more of Miss Bergvist when she lived over an hours bus ride away in Crewe as opposed to a five minute drive or 3o minute walk up the road. Scandalous really but after giving the club up again (more later) I think I'll have a few more free night on my hands. It was also the last chance I got to see Dave Lane who is full of the joys of moving and starting his new job away from Stoke. We wish him good luck!
Another much needed catch up has been with Joan. She recently moved into her own place in Norton with stunning views, elderly sweet old ladies, his mum round the corner and his menagerie of pets! Bluey the blue staffy bull (I'm sure we ALL know of him...), Maxwell and Patrick the cats (or Max and Paddy), two goldfish and two stick insects. As ever he's done the place up stunning, especially when you see the before and after pics! Plenty of ideas for my next place anyhoo...
Last saturday ended up in the club (as per) with Rob, Oli, Scott, Dom, Matt and the birthday girl Gemma. After turning everyones tummies with JoJo's website and not my cocktails for once, we piled into a minibus and met Gem up town. For once she didn't finish the night on her knees hiding from doorstaff on the dancefloor. In fact she ended up helping Joey hold me back from decking Aaron (general ass-wipe, pill pusher and friend buyer) who had upset Scott. I've never really got on with Aaron since last september time so once I'd had a voddy or two and managed to convince Scott to stay in the club and not get forced off I was more than happy to air my view on the Ike Turner wannabe. Ended up at home singing Kate Bush on Singstar with Gem. She has approved of Rob (which really makes a first!) so I guess we're officially allowed to go out now!
Sunday was spent breaking back into York St as Madam had locked himself out AGAIN on the last day of him living there. Lot's of hammering, chiseling and drilling later we were finally in rewiring manilla looking wall fittings and rebuilding the door out of filler (like play-doh for big kids). After making sure it was all sorted we left the flat bare and empty and smelling like varnish. It looked just like that first day back in May of 2004 when I first moved in. Kinda gutted really remembering back to having Chloe, the failed BBQ, a few good parties and my first real place to myself. Luckily the lady who came to survey it didn't seem to realise that there was £400 worth of heater missing from the living room after a decorating spree in 2005 so thanks to Madams papering think I got away with that one...
Other than all that me and Rob have decied to keep tabs away from the scene again for a few months. The place is getting full of bitches, drug heads and kids again so we're gonna spend the summer in normal bars up town (where you can pee at a trough in peace!) and only go the cub if need be on the 10th for Rob's birthday. It's a pity really cos' you usually feel out of the loop but with catching up with friends and Inverness at the end of this month it should be fine.
Besides, how does a group of gurning freaks with perma-tans in a shoddy room up hanley compare to Jeremiah and Edinburghs cheap as chips tipple in it's night time glory?!
Speak to ya'll soon,

Wings xXx

Of Smoothies, Hangovers and Sentinels...

2006-05-01T04:01:00.000-07:00

"BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

LETS PLAY SPOT THE MALE...

TOM AND MARTINI'S TRADEMARK REDEYE

Wings
A merry and drizzly bank holiday to you all! Having finally gotten a day off to enjoy the typical british summer I think I'll be spending most of my morning getting over saturday night.
Now that Muffin and Tom have got weekends free and following Dom and Madams new trend of not working saturdays for a while we all decided to make the most of payday weekend. Lots of blending smoothies with 50% vodka volumes and buzz sessions later we all piled into a minibus from ours and piled into the tuns a l a blotto. Oli and Scott joined us and along with Mattchu the night was a belter! Was yelling abuce in trendz, dancing to SPEECHLESS and generally wandering around aimlessly. Also ended up with a rather bizarre tongue condition due to the new barmen giving me a cherry VK everytime I wanted another flavour - which meant everyone kept buying them for me too - yak! Come 2am though Madam had got a case of bad hair and Rob (sensibly) pointed out that I was working sunday morning.
And what a sunday. Spent most of the time with a bin next to me taking calls and staring at the keyboard trying to interact witht screen in front of me as little as possible. Not gonna drink on a school night again.
Nothing much else to say other than the new X-Men trailer had me squealing like a Tom last night with the sight of Sentinels, fastball specials and the danger room (Princess understands) and I got my dates mixed up and missed Daves leaving do in fat cats so hopefully catch him before he's off to Swindon!
More profiles on the way too you lucky beggers - although I need a piccy of Mrs Stropon (Paul) as he ain't had one yet (hint hint)

Wings xXx

Mattchu!

2006-04-24T01:32:00.000-07:00

Wings

Name - Matthew Lockett
Alias - Mattchu, Miss Lockett, Dahling
Age - 22
Residence - Fenton
Profession - Facilities Management Adminsitrator aka Ball Breaker
Favourite Pose - "Thursday!"
Trademark Fashion - Shaved Bits, Checkered Shirts, Childrens Shoes
Smokes - Nopey
Drinks - Most Nights Of The Week
Loves - Drinking, Day Old Kebabs, Porn And Any Animal He Can Palm Off On Boxing Day
Hates - Rob White, Foot Fetishes, Being In Any One Job For More Than 5 Months
Role - The Level Headed One TO Quote Incredibles With
Most Likely To Say - It Breathes Like Egyptian Cotton And DAHLING!!!
Least Likely To Say - I'll Take Three Pills And A Gram Of Coke

Of Mumsy!

2006-04-19T05:33:00.000-07:00

NOW WE KNOW SHE'S WATCHING...

Wings
Name - Barbara Haslehurst (Your Middle Name Is Safe With Me!)
Alias - Plenty Online Names But I Call Her Mother!
Age - 49 Going On 26
Residence - Kidsgrove
Profession - Student, Festival Mascot, And Commissioning Administrator?
Favourite Pose - Flying Down The Stairs
Trademark Fashion - Shiny Things Like Scarves, Amber Accessories And Big Hair
Smokes - I've Been Assured No...

Drinks - Wine, Whiskey, Baileys, Wine, More Wine?
Loves - Live Bands, Bernard Butler, Italian Food, Glen And Her Perfect Kids (Kind Of Given Really)
Hates - Dogs, Bicycles, Sickly Food, Flights Of Stairs... :)
Role - Previously Chauffeur, Bank, Psychiatrist, Chef, Cleaner Etc
Most Likely To Say - Any Range Of Dirty Laughs
Least Likely To Say - I'm Tired

Of Buzz, Sky And 50 Inches...

2006-04-19T05:06:00.000-07:00

TING TING!

DOM, BOBBY AND MATTCHU

ATTACK OF THE BIG HAIRS!!!

CAN YOU POUT LIKE MADAM...?

Wings
Good day to you all! Had half an hour between laundry so thought I would pop a quick update for you keen readers (!)
This month has mostly been about getting new toys for the living room. Me and Rob were finally fed up last sunday of our TV whistleing whenever it was on for longer than 20 minutes due to the amount of wiring for dvd players, freeview, speakers etc causing feedback. So we popped over to festival park down the road and thought we'd browse at what sort of TV we could get in the summer. We came out of Comet half an hour later having bought a new 50" tv. We now have to stop Chris from trying to get into the flat as he keeps thinking it's the odeon... it's freaking massive. But fun for games and mtv (or foozeball if you're Bobby). Of course this prompted Rob to convince me that we needed sky for the world cup etc in the summer. So I'm now waiting in on my day off for a nice man with a big box. Luckily we get it all half price rental anyhoo due to my vodafoneing but now I can watch Dexters Lab at 3am if need be!!!
Had a night out with Stuey, Heidi, Hayley, Matt, Jamie and the hubby the other saturday up the club. All gathered at ours and exerimented the crushing of fruits and vodka in the blender as well as doing plenty of apple and raspberry sourz. Lovely. Had a buzz tournament and it's definatly better when there's more of you to scream out answers and look befuddled at some obscure 1960's tune (that ony Rob and Jamie will know... oh dear). Ended up somewhat smiley in the club dancing like a loon. As per.
Also had a bit of a guddun sunday night after seeing the APPALLING Scary Movie 4 up in Bar 2. Didn't drink much but did manage to topple a chair me and Matt were perched on trying to get away from Dom's boogers... classy that he is. Also ended up trying to stop Rob being cheeky wth coppers and stealing Madams goggles!
In other news Madam is getting a lil lonely living in York Street with his gremlin... I mean cat... so he's moving in with Mattchu on the 1st of May. This means I'll be forever handing back the keys to my old pad and Adie will be sharing old mimsy-ville with Bush Arse. Envious much Stropon?
Also Martini has moved into Tom's place and given up York st. Unfortunatly another crap cat impersonator (Porcha) has joined them so I wish Tom all the luck in the world. Is a nie place really in Middleport with all the rooms looking out onto the canal. I've been assured the geese at 6am aren't so twee when you're recovering on a sunday.
Jez has also popped back from Edinburugh and taken a lil interest in Madam. Cute especially as he's now thinking of moving back to stoke but not before Me and Rob stop off in Edinburgh on our way to Inverness at the end of next month!
That's all I can pull off the top of my head for now so until next time, toodle pip!

Wings xXx

Of Manchester, Reflections and Pills...

2006-04-04T11:56:00.000-07:00

BOBBY, MADAM, DOM, BIG GIRL AND MATTCHU WAITING FOR TRAMPS...
DOM, EMMA, MARTINI, MADAM, MATTCHU, GAAAAAVIN AND BOBBY - CHOO CHOO
THE LOVELY PRINCESS STEPHANIE WITH HER CONSORTS A LA TRENDZ

Wings
Howdle do gentle web folk. Well plenty to say so get comfy at the back. Steve being over was a belter - long overdue as per but started in Chez Gayz (thanks for the comments on the flat pics btw) eating 16 inch chicken and jalepeno pizzas in a record 15 minutes and still managed get ready and in a cab in time.Popped to the regent theatre of all places due to Princess having managed to bag us some seats for 'Starlight Express' from his friend (director/star/choreographer no less) Mike (I seem to recall through the haze of cocktails and shooters) pictured bottom left. Needless to say it wasn't my kind of thing to be honest - anything Andrew Lloyd Webber has me shaking in my golashes - but the stunts and some of the tricks were pretty good as well as a lot of the singing and Mikes 'Electra' character stole the show from the whiney assed lead without a doubt. Also a first for me to wear 3-D glasses for anything - pretty surreal to be honest. My review? Imagine watching Thomas the Tank on a dangerous cocktail of rohypnol, gold label and heroin and you're halfway there.
Rest of the night was spent knocking back more booze, dancing wildly with Martini, Madam, Dom and Bobby and actually managing to last the night!!!! Princess snuck out the following morning and despite his tempting offer of coffee and muffins up hanley I had to decline due to some soft twat (me) agreeing to do 4 hours overtime that sunday at work.
Also managed to get a weekend in Manchester just gone. It was Dom's unofficial birthday party so seven of us and one desserter (Gaaaaavin, under the thumb bless) headed off to Canal St for my second visit. I'm sorry to say it was a bit flat. Personally it seems to be one of those places you either have to be a mincing smiling coke head or a gurnng bouncing pill popper to enjoy. Sensibly I am neither of these. So after watching most of the others climb the walls (and their faces) me, Bobby and Mattchu decided to do the best most responible thing imaginable.

We ate McTuckys chicken.

Yes, boring as it may be we ended up filling our faces on an 8 piece and talking to some random gals from the local area who were off to a breakfast bar. Is it just me or have I become old? I mean I wouldn't mind so much if I'd turned into my mother - at least I'd carry on bopping (as she has proved so many times). But Essential cost £10 to get in and all it had was indecipherable music downstairs (is this the same song for three hours kinda thing) or really camp pap upstairs (Girls Aloud and Take That). Same problem as Nightingales in Brum really. Although we did get to see Miss Lunt behind the bar and there was no danger of running (a knife) into Margo or Dicky so there were some good points.
However after spending £20 on bus tickets we never ended up using, learning how to stop traffic in the road off Rob, watching some vagrant in nothing but a pea green coat and a smile in the bus station, and trying to guess what Dom was on only to find out it was red bull he was hopped up on, we embarked upon a 5am Hackny Carriage ride home (£70 - bargain) to which I went to bed nearly in tears I was so tired. I've come to the conclusion that so far, away from Stoke, I only enjoy Blackpool (depressing in itself really) so roll on STF06!
In other news it seems EVERYBODY is trying to get away from Stoke. Vinca is moving from across the road to Manchester with James in two months, Hayley-Jane goes to Australia on a GAP year to work as of thursday night and David Lane moves to Swindon in five weeks with a new jobby. After seeing Miss Lunt and Steve go and gagging to spend WAY longer out in Gran Canaria I got thinking as to why I'm stuck in this God forsaken city. Until I realised - I actually really like it here. Yeah the night life blows, the weathers crap, and the shopping is shit BUT I've got my dream pad with the dream guy (bleurgh, I know), most of my family here and my mates are never too far away (OK so Hayley is taking the piss) and my next holiday won't take forever. So yeah, I actually don't mind being stuck here. As long as I'm stuck happy :)

And on that sentimental schmack, I'll bid thee fair night

Wings xXx

Of 06/06/06, Peeling and Princess

2006-03-25T02:51:00.000-08:00

LOOK, BROWN BITS AND HOLIDAY WEIGHT!

CHEZ LOUNGE A LA GAY!

Wings

Well we're climatising miserably to the local weather again. However the chilly winds and piddly rain doesn't help the preservation of the tan any cos' I'm peeling like an orange :( Cue my latest embalming in vaseline intensive care!
We're also deeply disturbed (as usual) by the ever darkening presence of Gloria and her enigmatic chant of "Something is coming, 06/06/06". If anybody has any clues what the hell our bespecaled alcoholic friend has to say please write ideas to

GLO IN THE DARK COMPETITION
SANDY PASSAGE
LIMP ROAD
MIMSY
STOKE-ON-TRENT
ST6 9FU

Eagerl awaiting the arrival of her Madge herself. No not the aging haggard yank-turned-brit Madonna but the most royal Princess Stephanie of Liverpool who shall sweep into stoke by train carriage around 2pm. No doubt much drinking, dancing and larfing tonight followed by the mandatory barfing through your nose over absinth and eating cold pizza at 5am :)
Oh Joy!
In other news Ricky and Agent Benji migrated to manchester, Oli had a full service of my oils and waxes (as in massage and hair tips of course!), Bobby is getting mucho comments on his tan, Madam has made my old pad freakin gorgeous, A Gay dabbled in pills (naughty, slap hand) and also received fake tits el costa along with Dom; neither of who would stop playing with them and planning a bra shop... scary dirty trannies...
That's all I can think of for now. Internet has finally arrived here at Chez Gay so pics uploaded tomorrow night hopefully.

Till next time, toodle-pip!

Wings xXx

Of Huge Ramblings...

2006-03-19T07:05:00.000-08:00

Wings

It's cold here and there's no sun.

I have nothing more to add >:(

Of Tans, Drag Boats and Carnivals...

2006-03-14T04:41:00.000-08:00

ONE FOR CHRIS...
...ONE FOR GLORIA...

...AND ONE FOR PAUL!

Wings
Hola my winter bound chums. Just a few days left now in the roaring heat here (slowly rubbing it in) and still plenty to report. Went on a ´Drag Show Cruise´around the west coat last thursday and can honestly say I´´ve never seen drag queens and trannies on banana boats, jet ski´s and diving boards! Plenty of free booze but I ended up below deck worse for wear so missed the quiz and conga!
It´s been carnival week here too. Bad news is most of the roads are closed and it´s hard to get a cab but good news is the place has been buzzing and you get to spot the bad trannie when all the straight boys cross dress and get layered. Plenty of piccies to upload and we´re definatly hoping to drag Madam and Jamie out here in september all being well.
Gonna go grab a few more rays in te outdoor bubble spa (mwahahaha) and then it´s Hard Rock cafe again tonight!
Toodle pip and we´ll see you in Blighty up the Club this saturday

Wings xXx

Of Parrots, Sun Burn and Booze

2006-03-06T13:17:00.000-08:00

BEWARE MADAM, TOES!!!!

Wings
We´re here, we´re queer and we´re red as tomatoes!!! Wetaher is freakin gorgeous. Sunny as hell with a nice breeze when you´re tannin yer tits off. Parrots fly around, taxi´s are cheap and the booze n food are great (50% vodka and 50% lemonade works well with Mr Locks). So far we´ve been to a water park to scare the germans (OOOOMMPAAAA!), been the hard rock cafe, a few caberet bars, walked over dunes, sat by the pool, got burnt to fook, visited a monkey come parrot park, eaten squid (yum) and ridden in some of the craziest taxis in europe EVER!!! Getting used to our ´Holas´, Ádios´, ´Gracias´, ´senoras et senores´,and Él Guapo!´so getting down with the lingo. Got a gay cruise day planned (on a boat not in the bushes) and a big night out in the Yumbo centre saturday (big shopping centre slash gay bar district place). So until next time have fun with all the snow, measured tipple and speed restrictions and we´ll see ya´ll in a week or so,

Wings and the Bobby xXx

Of Parties, Goldfrapp And Champagne!

2006-02-26T05:51:00.000-08:00

Wings
One has been quite the busy bee this last month or so. Properly settled into the new pad with the Bobby enjoying the fact I can't touch the ceilings by standing up too quick and can't touch all the walls at once in my bedroom!
Went to see Goldfrapp last Saturday at the Apollo in manchester. After driving around the city centre for a good half hour or so and getting directions from such kindly folk as car park attendants and ther 'Lady of the Northen Shores' (Miss Lunt) we finally got there with a good hour or so to spare. Absolutely fantastic concert and they did so many good tunes we were all up grinding in our seats. Even got madam in on the act by leaving tracks on his answer machine while he was at work!
Had the flat warming last night forgetting how many people we'd mentioned it to which meant a good 20ish showed up. Got to mingle with Stropon and hubby, Madam, Gloria and Nelly, Dom, Mum, Auntie Gee, Julie, Jamie, Kim, Adam, Big Mark, Lil Sis and her hairy friend, Mattew, Matt and Queen Bee. Much flowing of vodka, bud, Moet, apple sourz, goldschlager, blavod and other evil smelling stuff with the only fatalities being one of the glasses Mr and Mrs Davenport brought courtesy of Julie-slagg! Other gifts recieved included Racing Snails (oh yes), glasses, pink bubbly, plonk and rubber ducks which makes me think everyone sees us as animal loving alcoholic kids (pretty spot on really...)
All headed to the club at 10 after much rowdy renditions of 'Delilah' and organising of buses for more merriment a la tuns. Madam managed to get preyed on by Ruby in his attempts at plying free booze out of her. This backfired however when he was to paraletic to run away from the attacking trannie. In true style me and Rob left before the 1am deadline making sure Adam tried not to decorate the kerb with a hotdog but the most suprising part was the fact that Paul and Steve actually managed to last LONGER than us! Think they had a good night as Stropon was giving the Princess flick on the dancefloor.
Got up this morning a lil groggy but eggy dippers changed that as well as calling Madam to check on his head. Apparently he passed out on the stairs after squealing to his mum to pay for the taxi lol. Also Glenn wasn't sure if she'd had fillings removed after finding pieces of goldschlager on her gums.
Also to the owner of a pair of black leather gloves, they're under safe keeping in the middle drawer! 4 days until Gran Canaria and I'm pretty psyched up. Start packing tonight and get my euros on tuesday. Will try to update before then but tinterweb still not at hom,e due to crappo BT.
Till then fare thee well elecctronic travellers,

Wings xXx

Of Multi-Klippans, Madam and House Warmings...

2006-02-11T07:09:00.003-08:00

Wings

We came. We saw. We furnished!!!! All moved in now to our luxery pad and it is stunning (I am well known for my modesty). After hauling several settees, beds, desks et al up two flights of stairs we've finally stopped with the heavy duty haulage and settled down to more entertaining and drinking in our humble abode. Must admit though, if I walk into another ikea again this year it will be too soon!
Chloe has no migrated down to my sisters in the bible bashing retirement village of Packmoor for garden frolicks and the like. Adam is taking up the mantle of 77 York street by moving in with hideously priced wallpaper and Laura Ashly bumf so Martini will still have a place for a cuppa and a finger. Big gathering on the 25th to christen the new pad with pre drinkies before the club so text for directions and details (or message on here). Other news includes:
holiday in less than weeks and the tickets have finally arrived!!!
Goldfrapp next weekend and I'm pretty psyched
Oli, Ben and Ricky have officially fallen off the face of the planet
We're out tonight for major drinkings as we ain't been out since new year!!! Hope you're all geared up to valentines day. I myself shall be cooking for me and Adam as Rob is off to the Stoke match (being such a romantic :p) but sure me, Madam and the dvd player will have the most untold time. Piccies of new pad on the way but we ain't got tinterweb sorted at home yet so sneaking this in work hours. Reall updates on their way,

Wings xXx

Of Fame, Fortune, And Big Hats...

2006-01-26T12:06:00.000-08:00

Wings

Behold my fans, I am in ful A5 glossy print. For your free signed copy please send your name, contact address and a large stamped self adressed envelope to:

Get-a-Life
69 Paradise Passage
Kentish Town
SE12 4BP

Subject to availability, terms and conditions apply. Your home is at risk if you do not keep up with repayments of a mortgage or loan.

Of Heaters, Maison de Homo and A Gay...

2006-01-25T12:12:00.000-08:00

Wings

One is on a bit of a high at the moment. It may have something to do with us just signing papers to move into our new apartment in Etruria Court!!! "Etruria?" I hear you cry (albeit faintly and imaginary...). Yup, there's a whole new development plan down on Etruria Lakes (cos' if you put nature in the title it's posh!) and attached are a few piccies of our new gaff. Taken next thursday and friday off and hired a van (I have enough things to warrent a van now you see) so it's all go next week. We're now trying to figure out
a) Chloe, although she seems to be on time share with a little old lady called maureen a few doors down.
b) the fact that my settee covers a huge gaping hole in the wall from where I removed that (ridiculously heavy) storage heater last summer from in my lounge and how to blag it to Aspire that it was always there and
c) balancing the old accounts to make sure we can still be comfortable on holiday and cover two rents during my months notice. All in all though it all seems pretty doable. I suppose the only thing to say is keep your peepers peeled for the party invites although a no smoking bar has already been actioned (sorry Martini/Dom/Tom/Charlie etc).
Needless to say A Gay didn't take the news in the best way possible. Martini thinks that me not being within striking distance for a gossip and a brew could tarnish his social life but I reminded him of our spare bedroom (WE HAVE A SPARE BEDROOM, SACK THAT WE HAVE ROOM!!!) and also the fat it is just two minutes drive to his work for tea on the way home. But I'm sure he's happy for us really.
Well I'm going to go calm down and plan the ikea shop (we're doing that on the friday too) so ta taa for now folks.

B xXx

Of Canals, Pigs Blood and Chicken Ribs...

2006-01-22T04:46:00.000-08:00

THE FANTASTIC FOUR: ROBERTO VON VODKA, MR DANCER, LADY TITWORTHY AND ELASTIC BOI!
THE ONLY TIME JAMIE WILL LOOK TALLER THAN ME...

Wings

Hola and good afternoon gentle folk of world wide basis. Being as I'm about the only soul up and about with the ability to sit at a computer desk today without a seizure allow me to fill in on the weekends shenanigans!
Arrived in manchester at 12ish yesterday for a quick shopping spree (funky pants, beanie and vest thy name is H&M) and off to the hotel for pre night drinkies. After seeing Miss Lunt and Dave Lane mincing the streets (of the northern lands) and more showers than a MFI sale we set too in bars like Via Fossa (all stairs, no floor) AXM (apple sourz but stronger woop!) Churchills (think the tuns if Ruby had cash) Spirit (pretty but quiet) and Queer (a la meat market). However at 1am and after trying to keep the pace with hardened drinkers I found myself chowing down on McTuckys chicken and spitting ribs out all over the street heading back to the hotel. Once there I (apparently) promptly passed out on the bed only to have Rob, Jamie and Kim "worry" about me as they proceeded to strip me, throw water over me, tickle my feet and laugh at my boxers. Thank God for the NHS...
This morning I was fresh as a daisy as the others complained of pounding heads, churning tummies and little appetite as I tucked into a greasy spoons breakfast (I must have been hungry, I ate black pudding!). An OJ and a mocha frappucino later and we were back in stoke on the peasant wagon home nursing my Bobbys hangover.
It's the cinema again tonight for 'Fun with Dick and Jane' with the old gang so will just leave with a BON ANNIVERSAIRE to Mr Stroponstoke (hen pecking hubby of Miss Tiara Stroponstoke).

Toodle Pip!

Wings xXx

Of Passports, House Hunting and Bombshells...

2006-01-18T11:03:00.000-08:00

MAYBE I OVERDID THE BLOND...
Wings

Howdy all! As promised another update before the first child is due...
Has a really good night in last night fuelled with strawberry laces, cookies, sherbert spaceships, marshmellows and vodka. Martini, Tom (the new squeeze), Dom, Madam and Aaron came round for a long overdue film night to watch 'The Broken Hearts Club'. Hugely underestimated film that no doubt Sherrin can recite off by heart because it has more than the odd homo in it. Sweet film if you watch it. Which I'm glad I did so with Rob a few nights back as the others only saw the titles and the credits due to lots of jaw (and wrist) flapping. Plenty to catch up on.
Also viewing a few more places and registering with more agencies tomorrow for our new pad so fingers crossed there (and an afternoon booked off work!) if anything more QT with my Bobby :)
After much resistance I have also finally unleashed my blond streaks again. Feeling the need to embrace the impending British summer (all 6 1/2 hours of it) I decided to leave the dark winter look in the bathroom and emerged a thorough surfer hair poof - woop!
All in anticipation for the holiday of course (7 weeks toay) which you will all no doubt hear plenty of AND be updated on while we're away as there's web access. I spy green eyes. Actually more relaxed now as my passport has finally returned even if I do look like the caption underneath should read 'I won't bomb your country honest' but who has a good passport pic? Okay, flashback there for a mo' thinking of Patsy from Ab Fab in the one where... never mind...
Off to the swimming baths now then a sunbed to start getting the real beach look in shape. Hope everyone is dandy fine and please start posting on here again. If I don't keep feeding my social life it will roll over and die :( (stropon, Ade, Muffin et al)

Wings xXx

Of Tardy Updates, Shopping, Mimmus And Stuff...

2005-12-15T08:48:00.000-08:00

"I am fire and flesh made eternal. Now, and forever, I am Phoenix"
Yes well now that's out of the way how the hell are you all? So much to say so little energy to type with here in work at my classy desk. So this lot will probably all seem a bit haphazzard.
Since the last post most of my time has been spent sweeping up the remains of another failed relationship in the life of Wings. PSYCHE! No for once I am very happy to say me and Rob are still very much going strong with the big 'L' already signing off most texts/ conversations/ kisses goodnight. Lots of dining out, cosy nights in, shopping, days out and a football match (that I ENJOYED) so all kinds of good. He's even unofficilly moved in as we've only spent 4 nights apart since we got together (two nights at the start, two nights for his recent spell in hospital fyi).
Also had a few nights out in the club that resulted in early departures, lost memories and silly dancing with Martini on the dance floor. Also plenty of Little Britain parties at mine, shopping in various parts of the country for christmas presents, and being harrassed by a pie wielding Nelly and Gloria in Lush!
Christmas and New Year was a combination of emergency shifts at the club, catching up with more family, days off doing sod all and shopping for myself as I'd covered everyones presents by the end of november (yay)!
Christmas was spent with family in the daytime doing the usual eating more than your own body weight inham, turkey and bacon and apricot rolls. Was wheeled to the hpuse party at Martini's where we sang, buzzed (amazing game) and food fought our way into boxing day!
New years was the usual working in Trendz throwing out the cocktails but Charlie and I did buy a jug or three out of our tips to bring in the new year with a hazey outlook!
Not really much more to report other than me and Rob are looking around for a bigger place and we have 7 weeks to go until we're sat in a four star hotel in Gran Canaria for a fornight in the spa. Squeal!
Keep posting y'all and sorry for the delays

Wings :)

Of Double D's, Cave Dwelling, Ducks and Donuts...

2005-11-18T03:58:00.000-08:00

LIFES A DRAG AND THEN YOU WORK WITH THEM...

Wings

Well it's been a fun few nights in this week. Watched 'The Descent' tuesday night with Martini, Rob, Julie, Dom and Adam at mine complete with surround sound and creepy guys screaming behind Dom. Not the best idea. Brilliant film and the only one to make me jump so loudly since I was a wee bairn over Ghostbusters 2 (Viggo, gross).
Thursday night saw the revelations that 1)Dom had slept with Camp Ritchie of Teletubbie bag fame 2) Julie is a Double D 3) Me and Martin can deep throat iced buns (don't ask) 4) Dom slept with Camp Ritchie 5) My lounge is infested with ducks of the bottom burp variety and 6) DOM GOT TO THIRD BASE WITH CAMP RITCHIE HELLO!!!
Also Ben and Ricky finally got tinterweb, Rob came out a little at work, 'Creep' is a bizarre and pretty crap film and Stroponstoke is threatening an on scene appearence this weekend!
I'm going to go and wet myself in my 'Xaviers School For Gifted Youngsters' fitted black tee shirt. Geek and proud...

Wings xXx

Of Nothing In Particular...

2005-11-15T12:11:00.000-08:00

SUPRISE SUPRISE, JULIE IS THE MOST MANLY ONE AGAIN...

Well I seem to be getting plenty of mail and texts asking when I'll be updating this fair site again. Truth to be told nothing much has really happened. Rob met my Mum and sisters this weekend and generally did as little as possible doing coupley sickly things. All kinds of good! Club wasn't up to much saturday except that Joan was on top form - albeit at the cost of his regurgitated supper, YUM! Just enjoying spending time in and out with Mr Locks and catching up with the girls from beefeater now my sister is working there; thereby providing the much missed half price food and ice cream. Oh how we missed the chocolate challenge...
Descent night tonight so we're all having a night at mine eating ice cream and laughing at six gals in a cave...

If you got any news or goss feel free to pass it on to ya favourite feathered friend.

(A Bird Flu-ed) Wings xXx

Bobby!

2005-11-08T07:15:00.000-08:00

Wings

Name - Robert Locker
Alias - Bobby, Locks, Rob, Handsum, Baby Buns
Age - 22
Residence - Trentham / My Place
Profession - Student And Council Office Boy
Favourite Pose - The Stagger
Trademark Fashion - £80 Polo Shirts, My Jackets, Baggy Shorts
Smokes - Nope
Drinks - Vodka In Any Way Shape Or Form
Loves - Football, Cheese Baguettes, Trigger Happy TV, Campy Music, Getting Legless
Hates - Being Ribbed At Work, Dirty Micheal, Hospital Cancelations
Role - My Number One Guy (For Real) And Human Hot Water Bottle
Most Likely To Say - Triple Please, Hic
Least Likely To Say - Go On Bolton!

Of Dusty, Mandy, Ivana and Etta...

2005-11-07T00:28:00.000-08:00

IVANA MASSAGE AND RANDY MANDY - OH THE PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE...

MR HILTON ESQUIRE AND MRS DUSTY HILTON

COOKIE, MARCIA AND ROSIE CHEEKS

MADAM LOLA AND SEXY ROB :oP

Wings

Well as you may have guessed from previous blogs and the title of this post folks it was the Annual Drag Ball last night at the club. And what a turn out we got! Some really good efforts and wacky ideas along with the inevitable scary cases whereby some poor queen has borrowed his sisters shawl and his mums bingo wig...
Last night starred 'Randy Mandy', a Britney lookalike schoolgirl who happens to work in Royal Mail call centre. Ivana Massage, an east european beauty therapist who works in Phones 4 U. Etta Lottacok, a very svelte stuardess from Virginial Airways who puts a few hours in the Food Court up 'anley duck. And Miss Dusty Hilton who suddenly became my date due to the totally unplanned match we found ourselves in. That and Destiny was too busy painting up everybodies faces!
Really good laugh had by all; even if seeing Martini drag up piece by piece shall scar me forever. My number 1 guy Mr Locker also looked mighty fine and dapper in his suit too and made staying with Dusty all the more difficult. Had to parade on stage with Dusty (who forgot the name of the charity she was going to give a contribution to if she won) and decided to head home after the show.
However when me and Rob tried to flee in a taxi, manager Paul grabbed us and told me that me and Dusty had to go up on stage to receive our prize money! So Dusty came third place, all 7ft 9 inches of her glammour puss self and I'm well chuffed for her! Now have a crown of blemishes (aka spots) where my white trilby seemed to chaffe. Enjoy the piccies everyone :D

Wings xXx

PS the pyjama party sucked but saturday with Angie Brown was amazing!!!

Of Canes, Pimps And Pyjamas...

2005-11-03T09:59:00.000-08:00

CHECK OUT THE PINS!

WHO'S THE NAUGHTIEST?

DESTINY WHIPS MY BOBBY INTO SHAPE

EXCLUSIVE PREVIEW YOU LUCKY SHITS!

Well the Clubs 10th anniversary is well under way this week with as many excuses to visit the Smiffy fancy dress shop as possible. Last night saw School Disco so we donned our favourite shorts, blazers and ties, combed down the hair and pulled our socks up until the circulation was cut off from our toes. Didn't make as much of an arse as last time I did school uniform (see 'Of Leglessness, Riding White Swans And The Great Escape...') but did manage to use my cane on many an ass and legs! Best £1.99 I've spent this week so far. It did however go missing at around 3am while we were playing on the park in hartshill and cleaning the 30ft slide with our behinds. Which of course meant walkin home in our undies. And ordering kebabs with no trousers on. THAT classy. Look out for more shaming pics with evidence this weekend...
Finally completed my pimp outfit today as well by finding a trilby, spatz and white gloves. Will be bargaining out the likes of Destiny (Neil), Destinys Child (Dom), Ariel (Oli) and whatever Martini finally decides on calling herself on sunday. Also got BIG slippers for the pyjama party on friday. Will be a comfy one at least :)
Other news so far this week - Gloria was spotted today mincing around in her brown jacket and blatently ignoring the hollering of my subtle self in the Potteries Shopping Centre. We shall have you about this Glo... My week off work has totally rushed by but have got the last of the week with Rob. I've also had all my remaining Club shifts removed so I think the next time I'll be on there is as emergecy staff for new years; hopefully my vodka tolerence will improve! And we also caught up with Hayley Jane Superstar now that she has returned from Sheffield and all it's stripping steel workers! Of for a fat bastard pasta in assuri now. YUM!

Ta ta for now you mimsys

Wings xXx

Of Clowns, Cuddles and Flat Sundays...

2005-11-01T09:31:00.000-08:00

I'VE GOT CANDY >:}

WHEN WE TOLD DOM SMOKING WOULD BE THE DEATH OF HIM...

CHEW MY NECK ANYTIME MR LOCKER - AND A HORNY CHARLIE

Wings

Well, hectic all last week but finally have chance to fill in my 2 cents today. I'm sure you're all waiting with baited breath. No?

Tough.

Worked like a dog all last week more so at the weekend. Did friday night for halloween at the club dressed as a pretty freaky clown. I even spooked myself after applying the makeup etc. Made a total of two lesbians cry, three mates run off from me and a manager tell me to stay upstairs out of the way. Similar reactions in Asda at 3am too... All ended up with me trying to remove said face at 4am and going into vodafone for my 9am shift with blue eyebrows still... hmmm.
Saturday night was bloody awful working as I was so tired and met some tiny red haired piss head scouse called Sonya who very drunkerdly belched "I lyck yoor heir!" and sunday in vodafone was all the more dire due to my utter lack of sleepytime. A few red bulls saw me eager to hit back out with the sunday social but certain 'elements' really ruined the night for a few of us making me desperate get home in bed with my man.
Speaking of who I am totally besotted! Only spent two (very sleepless) nights apart from him so far and loving spending time with him. He's the kinda guy you'd tak see you Gran (if only mine was compus mentus) let alone your mum. Proper nice guy and everyone seems to like him too! Bonus! Done little else than cuddle up to him on nights in and a meal out last night at Red which was pretty much perfect! Enjoying this serious real date malarky.
In other news Stroponstoke has returned to Blighty equipped with a new flair and lingo of his own (he can order coffee and everything), Jason moved back to Crewe officially leaving me without anybody to cook for, HayleyJane got back in touch via the beefeater grapevine now my lil sis has gotten a job there (long live the mantle of Haslehursts), and Charlie seems to have officially returned back to his usual easy self - ie live, drink and enjoy! Oh and I got a week off work - SHIBBY!

Wings xXx

Of Smitten, Apple Sourz and Nuns...

2005-10-25T18:24:00.000-07:00

OLI, THE LOVELY ROB AND MARTINI

BEX AND CHARLIE (WITH ALL NEW HAIR!)

DOM WEIGHS UP TO JULIE

Well... where to start? Oh wait I think I'll begin with my new favourite subject. Mr Locker. Aka the perfect match. Local? Check. Sane? Check. Same age? Check. Down to earth? Check. Cute? Check. We won't go into much more detail as doing that on here tend to jinx these things in much the same way a well placed Julie does (lol) but suffice to say if you've been anywhere near me since friday you would have heard the rave reviews on this guy. If you haven't then you obviously need educating...
Had the best weekedn EVER which started friday at the club with Martini, Dom, Charlie and Rob whereby this time I didn't throw up in front of customers nor make a tit of myself. Instead spent most of the time (to quote Cat) "eating face" in trendz bar. A part of any healthy well balanced diet as you may know...
Sunday saw a real comeback for the sunday social. On deciding to leave the cinema for a week or two we (me, Martini, Rob, Oli, Dom, Charlie, Adam and Bex) ventured to Aruba for bogof cocktails, JFK for £3 rounds of apple sourz and the club for such dance 'classics' as Music Man, Okie Kokie, Gang Bang and Conga. I'm being serious was like a primary school disco minus the game of tag and with the bonus of Scary (Sue) Mary who insisted on getting her doughy baps out for all to see and flashing her arse. Although we have to wonder as to why Adam and Oli were both so interested in a 40+ year olds dairy sacks... scary indeed especially for the likes of Dom!
Had a pretty chilled night Monday watching Rob get plastered and propping him against tables while his mate Jamie FORCED black aftershock upon me (revenge shall be had sunday) as well as meeting Oli's Joey properly again and finding out he is actually a sound guy.
Spent tonight exchanging creepy stories with Charlie, Martini, Dom and Adam while watching Sister Act (a first) and most haunted. Then watching in horror as the child and Dom didn't 'get' the 'Comedy Side of 7 Days' (disgraceful).
In other news Ricky and Ben moved into Chez Gays, Julie has officially been incarcerated into the sunday social, Charlie and Adam are having a flingish-drunk-thingy, I set up most of my deals at work for mates rates and Dicky royally pissed off everybody. Everywhere.
Plans for this week include payday friday so big shop as I'm off work for a week as of thursday, dressing up as Pennywise from 'It' for fridays halloween party and having another reunion for sunday with the additions of Jamie, Joey and my Lil Sis Rhia :)
Bring on the sourz,

A very high flying Wings xXx

Of Skin, Sofa Fun and Kettles...

2005-10-20T08:49:00.000-07:00

LET ME GUESS MARTINI - "THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T DRINK...?"

Wings

I could wee! Not only has Agent Benji managed to secure the extremely rare Jaque Lu Cont Remix of Madonnas 'Hung Up' single but my sister has just told me that Skin (from Skunk Anansie to all you heathens who don't know) is playing at the Sugerpit on 4th November!!! WOW! I'll be able to groove on down to the new single and solo classics 'Faithfulness' and 'Listen To Yourself' so going to drag the Agent, his wifey and my sis along for the fun!
Had a very intimate night with somebody last night - being a gentleman I'm not one to drop names HOWEVER he can be found on this fair blog :) answers on a post card please. Let's just say it was a really cosy night in curled up on the sofa (thank you ikea!) and it hit me that it's been way too long since I've been able to do that with anyone and feel comfortable about it.

Now investing in an inflatable doll.

Also saw Ricky and Lil Bro yesterday to give the lads their kettle, iron, toaster and sandwich toaster courtesy of 'Wings Queer Rehousing Programme'. the Agent and his wifey Ricky have FINALLY found a little chateux in oakhill that they move into on saturday. So big congratulations on the birth of 'Chez Gays' (sorry agent but 'Casa Bumbasha' ain't a place I'd wanna hold a house party...)

Nothing much more to report for now... pretty bloody good week in all so you'll catch me friday night largin it up on the tiles a la Club and making a general fool of myself in a soldier outfit... :)

Wings (flying high)

Of Being Locked, Cocked And Loaded...

2005-10-18T13:49:00.000-07:00

It's a double birth this month as Mr Locker starts his own blog too this week. Pop on over to our vodka drenched socialite of Club and Tuns fame!

www.robstoke83.blogspot.com

Say howdy y'all

Wings xXx

Of Brum, Satan and Canellini Beans...

2005-10-16T17:52:00.000-07:00

YES THE DANCERS WERE 'THAT' DISTRACTING IN NIGHTINGALE >:oP

...AND THEN THERE WAS THE YELLOW PERIOD TO REPLACE 'BASTARD GREEN'...

Well lets just get the naff stuff out of the way first. The fast spirraling dating that was me and Richard (of Warick fame) has officially crash landed. You know the drill on here by now folks. Follow emergency lights; exits are situated here here here and here!
However, not one to dwell for once (hmmm) we set off to Birmingham this weekend to do one final bout of celebrating in the name of Martini. 'What is this?' I hear you cry (albeit very quietly) 'Were you not to travel to Liverpool instead to see Princess Stephanie and her tribe of merry dancers?'. Alas not it would seem as Martini decided trying to book the accomodation on the thursday would suffice. Ne Pas. So after changing the location to Blackpool (just been) to Manchester (pretentious) to Brum we decided on the land of the yam yams instead!
So had my first official forays into the worlds of Missing, Route 2 and Nightingale. Good times had all round but we didn't manage to make it till 6am due to the whole 'we don't do drugs and there ain't enough bull-wee lined taurine drinks keep us upright' thing going on. So it was a shower and ITV nightscreen for me by 4am (see I'm a good girl I am).
Today saw a kareoke style journey home courtesy of our Madge along with the new tummy tickler "Come Satan We Fly" saying on a garage forecourt. Tonight we had a trip to see Wallace and Gromit at the cinema. Definatly the best yet (although before I wasn't really a W&G fan) and me and Oli decided we need a bunny from Toys R Us asap! Chinese proved as interesting as ever with the delectable Miss Linda Lush sat opposite retelling tales from past days and swapping sex stories with the rest of the table; who knew Julie had a clit like a canellini bean...

And on that note I fare thee all goodnight!

Wings and Co.

Of Woods, Ruperts and Kittens!

2005-10-12T15:16:00.000-07:00

WE CAN'T WAIT FOR HALOWEEN... )>:D

Just a quick one to say that the Amphitheatre down on the Keele campus is as creepy as ever. Visited it for the first time in about three years and is as nasty as ever. Went down with Heidi, Stu and Mark after Kinky Boots on monday night armed with a digital camera. We found it suprisingly quick compared to how long it used to take and ventured in where I told about how Aleistar Crowley used the place for his black arts worship mumbo jumbo. We got back to the car and tried to watch the footage back... which only showed us entering the woods and nothing more just a blank disc. Went back up tonight to see if we could spot anything else this time with Martini, Dicky, Oli, Ricky and Ben and after finally finding the place in the piss wet rain I told them also - this time nothing freaky happened but we didn't have the camcorder. To be continued? Well as long as it doesn't rain on Stu...
Also had a random phone call from a guy called Rupert who told me to "stay away from my boyfriend bitch your f**kin number is on his phone" to which I said "Ok...?" and he hung up. Omly thing is the only person who has this number since I got my new phone that I send those sort of texts to is Richard so a little jilted with my jinxed past...
Also saw Rhia and Beths kittens (which are UBER cute) and had muchy chinese buffet up Mr Chans with Katie, Jenna and Jase which was a nice get together for a change!
Off to bed now as it's way past 10pm :D

Wings xXx

Of Shaming Pictures...

2005-10-10T15:16:00.000-07:00

In an effort to lighten your day, we here at WingsStoke take great pride in publishing these pics of just a few people you know who would rather you didn't really see them.

Hey ho.

WHATS MORE PAINFUL, MY BEEHIVE OR HIS SMILE?

ADAM AKA OSTRITCH BOY!

THOSE SLIPPERS WILL...

ATTACK OF THE TOMATO HEAD!!!

NEENEE RESORTS TO A SLIMMER WAIST BY ANY MEANS...
UM... CHINESE ANYONE?

ROGER RABBIT 2 NOW IN PRODUCTION!

Of Dying, Lil Bro And Kinky Boots...

2005-10-10T12:53:00.000-07:00

NEENEE WAS DETERMINED TO BE THE BEST HE PIMP THIS SIDE OF CANAL ST... GOOD LUCK
Wings

First off how bloody awful was saturday night? I had the beefiest hangover ever made all the worse by the fact that most of the customers were complete wankers at the club. Me, Martini and Dom felt very sorry for ourselves and nearly floored many a patron of Stoke fame as well as yours truly kicking the brown stuff out of a cellar cushion.
Sunday was a much more lucid affair with both Adam (back from Ibiza, tanned and a little tired) and lil Bro Oli (two month hiatus from all things clubby) making their return to the sunday social. Went to see Serenity. DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE IT IS HIDEOUS! Good trailer and Joss Whedon makes it seem promising but it ain't Buffy in space by a long shot. Walked out with Adam and Oli half way through leaving a very puzzled trio of Martini, Dom and Dicky to wonder why we were taking so long in the loo. It's just that there was a que. In Bar2's loos that is which is where we scampered off to!
Brought Martini's birthday in with much Malibu and Destiny DJing (for Dayle mainly :o/ ) although everyone still seemed a bit flat from the night before and the fact we had wasted a fiver a piece in the odeon kennels.
Monday saw Kinky Boots night down at Warner Village although the late advertising saw just a handful of people turn out to make the most of the Club Members Free Entry Offer although Linda and Destiny looked fab for the sentinal and turned a few heads (and stomachs with their comments) in the foyer. Much better film albeit a trannie flick and got to throw popcorn at various people (Charlie, Rob Locker, Linda, Lindas Wig) so good time had by all really.
Think that's all for now - except to say that I'm here for Katie and Jase even though they're having a pants time at the mo my place is always open (keep it clean Glo) and my toolkit is good to go (it gets worse).

HAPPY 29th BIRTHDAY MARTINI! :op

Wings xXx

Of Leglessness, Riding White Swans And The Great Escape...

2005-10-08T21:39:00.000-07:00

ADOPT A TRANNIE TODAY FOR JUST £2 A MONTH YOU COULD BUY JOJO NEW HAIR...

She was surrounded by folk deutchland afar. She travelled here from the chester of man to grace our hallowed halls with her sublime presence. She has lopped off her fair locks and discarded her flares of trew. She was still the same lady of the north we all know and love and she was down Friday. Was great seeing Miss Lunt again here in stoke-upon-the-ming and a pretty blotto night was had by all.
A popular theory is that Dan lined everyones drinks with rohypnol. It had nothing to do with the three at a time shots of ouzo I was downing at Martini's befor we even left his flat for the first leg of his birthday celebrations! Nor the blue wkd/reef combos we were knocking back in pint glasses. Nor the reported double absinthe I downed because Dom refused to believe his was a green aftershock.
All I can remember is seeing Ian and being with him, Martini, Destiny, Dicky and Jojo (who we adopted for the first part of the night). Next thing I recal I was dancing with Mandos on the dancefloor. Then I woke up this morning wearing a sock and a hangover. There was a buckett of sick next to the loo (why I didn't use the loo who knows) and a school uniform (it wouldn't be a night at the club without fancy dress) strewn about. From talking to various people we learnt the absinthe story as well as:

I snogged Emma/Big Girl as did most of us
I yelled at a guy get out of a cubicle to which I then pinched for my own release
The absinthe story
I somehow managed to escape from Martini's flat when we got home after they went out for food despite having been carried in
Rob Locker pinched my bum and talked to me
So did newbie James
I threw up. Lots. In front of everyone outside the club :(

Roll on next weekend for liverpool - we only hope Miss Lunt can ride her white swan to join us as we're meeting Princess Stephanie too!

A (still very poorly at 6am on sunday morning) Wings xXx

Of Fresh Meat...

2005-10-05T05:50:00.000-07:00

NOT TOO BORED EH?

Wings

A new bee is born - placenta party to follow but be careful, he's still sticky!

www.agentbenji1986.blogspot.com

Now Available Online, Spaulls Exclusive 'Red' Line!

2005-10-03T16:43:00.000-07:00

AVAILABLE FROM A TKMAXX NEAR YOU...

Of Saints And Sinners

2005-10-01T21:14:00.000-07:00

TEMPTATION PROVED TOO MUCH FOR SAINT BEN...

Now we all know that the non-hetero community as a whole are going straight to hell, but who would have guessed there's be the one angel amoung the bar staff? Yes I abandoned my idea of a Jesus costume for Heaven and Hell on friday and opted for the less sweaty wig wearing affair of Club Angel. White trainers, white knee downs, tight white levi boxers, two white belts, a pait of wings, white hair spray and a small bucket of glitter to prove I can do innocent witht the best of taste and in minimal clothing. Staff went all out in kitting up with Spaulls Sweatshop Workers outfits and we had a scream! Caused quite a murmour in asda after as Me, Martini, Destiny, Dom, Bex, Charlie, Dicky, James and a few randoms went for qquick food and fast laughs. Had to hide my modesty with a pack of oatcakes as the neon lighting tubes proved I wasn't jewish in my outfit and Martini suddenly became aware just how high his shorts went. Good time had by all. Big thanks to everyone who dressed up too - plenty of efforts made for once by customers too!
Haloween next! >:D

Wings xXx

Of Wings...

2005-09-30T05:10:00.000-07:00

WELL SUPRISE SUPRISE, MARTINI IN A DEVIL OUTFIT!

Bring your feathers and slap out those tails - it's Heaven and Hell night tonight at the club! After Charlies little sweat shop did overtime last night you'll see one of our biggest staff efforts yet to bring you tight shorts, fluffy knee downs, body paint and more flesh than a buthcers block!
You know you want to ;)

Officially sponsered by Burnt Face Man and Friends Of Dorothy Food Courts, Hanley

Of Pictures Of Towers (That Didn't Fit Previous Post)

2005-09-28T14:42:00.000-07:00

A Couple of shots for the old album :)

Of Ebay, Crazy Children and Alton Towers!

2005-09-28T08:31:00.000-07:00

It's been a while. Since my last real post that is. What with the flurry of this month and the carnage blackpool wrought on both the mind, body and bank account I've had little time to post on here lately so here's a quick (for me) update.
Ebay has reared it's ugly little expensive head again! I've found myself impulse buyin more tat-n-crap especially DVD's I'll never likely watch nor want... So thanks to Gwen for that!
I've also found out over the weekend that an old (well young) aquaintance has been telling little porkie pies in a vain attempt to sully my good name. Apparently I was 'in love' with this person and 'couldn't stop crying' over him. Hmmm, I'm gonna go ahead and guess that the ego needed a boost on this one and can assure all my readers there's only ever been two big loves in my life - David Lane and Chocolate and I'm sure as hell on good terms with them still lol. So feel free to check your details next time Mr (cos I know you read this still).
Alton Towers was the destination attacked, raped and left bleeding by the club staff yesterday and what a day it was! All of the rides had 20 mins que or none at all so we just kept running onto each and every one. The new ride Rita proved a little scary for Martini who suffered G-Force Cartoon Photographs and Nemesis put a green face on Dom who promptly threw up after getting off (much to everybodys titters). Not one to upset an eager crowd, he risked a quick flight on Air (which is uber cool wheee) by dropping several stomach fulls while still horizontal onto the waiting bay as we parked up. Everyone was crying with laughter and even the crowds waiting go on applauded his performance. To see puddles of sick falling behind your feet is most bizarre but rewarding all the same! Ended the day on the water rides and got soaked from two flume visits and a (rather tame) river rapids. Heaters on all the way home! Piccys to follow!
In other news Dicky made another flying visit to Mr Hospital and his camera friend (ick), Adam has attracted even more members of club staff, Ricky got promoted at potato land extending his reign over the food court kingdom, NeeNee returned from his jaunt in Corfu looking like Donatella Versace (we missed you babe), I met Danielle from Urban Cookie Collective (and seemed to be the only one appreciative of such choons) and Martin Foote has remerged onto the scene after his african adventure less folically challenged and more tanned!
Proper (HA!) update later this week but for now the trafford centre calls!

Ferme La Bouche xx

Chloe!

2005-09-19T16:48:00.000-07:00

Name - Chloe La Chat
Alias - Clo, Cow Bag, Twat Legs, Puddy
Age - 3
Residence - My Settee
Profession - Professional Lounger And Mouse Chaser
Favourite Pose - The Ballerina Leg
Trademark Fashion - Sparkly Collars, Silver Tabby Coats
Smokes - Urrr... No...
Drinks - Water (Preferably Out Of Pint Glasses)
Loves - Ear Tickling, Fuss, Food, Feathers, Tuna, Chasing Paper Balls
Hates - Pigeons, Hoovers, Being Woken Up, Other Cats
Role - My Baby And First Lady Of The House
Most Likely To Say - Meow
Least Likely To Say - Woof

Gem!

2005-09-18T17:22:00.000-07:00

Name - Gemma Redfern
Alias - Gem, Horse God
Age - 22
Residence - Kidsgrove South
Profession - Full Time Mum And Domestic Engineer
Favourite Pose - The 'GRIN!'
Trademark Fashion - Chicken Fillets, Tight Shirts, Ug Boots
Smokes - Lots!
Drinks - Vodka, Or Whatever She Can Get Her Hands On
Loves - 80's Music, Labrynth, Holly, Tesco Canteen, VH1, Nights Out
Hates - Kate Mayor, Abusive Fella, Spiders
Role - Life Long Best Friend Since Tots I'd Do Anything For
Most Likely To Say - Lemon Curry, Do You See?!
Least Likely To Say - I'm Staying In This Saturday

Jase!

2005-09-18T17:14:00.000-07:00

Wings

Name - Jason Cody
Alias - Jase, Lad, Jism, Rainbow
Age - 18
Residence - A Few Doors Down, Fairy Towers MkII
Profession - Lifeguard And Flesh Oggler
Favourite Pose - The 'Shocked Look'
Trademark Fashion - Anything Blue Or Black, Safety Pins
Smokes - When His Sister Ain't Looking
Drinks - Red Wkd (Yuck Yuck Yuck) And Absinthe
Loves - Swimming, Canoeing, Slagging It, Spag Bol And Singstar
Hates - Campness, Anything Yellow, Dogs, Having His Photo Taken
Role - Proper Jack The Lad In Training, Good For A Cup Of Sugar
Most Likely To Say - Like; In Any Sentence Whatsoever!
Least Likely To Say - Anything Sensible

Aj!

2005-09-18T17:05:00.000-07:00

Name - Adam Lovatt
Alias - Aj, Kidda, New Meat, The Child
Age - 19
Residence - Penkull (The Nice Bit With Trees)
Profession - Gerbil Seller And Fellow Bar Whore
Favourite Pose - The 'Hide-Me'
Trademark Fashion - Bloody Perfect Hair All The Time... Bitch
Smokes - Doesn't Know What It Is
Drinks - Till He Can't Feel His Limbs Anymore
Loves - Over Priced Cocktails, Madonna, Veggie Burgers, Being A Newbie
Hates - Feet, Newbie Competition, Sarcasm, His Reputation For Staff Flings
Role - The Youngest Of The Group, Good For A Wrestle
Most Likely To Say - I Don't Know What You Mean... (With Blank Look)
Least Likely To Say - Madge Is Past It

Dom!

2005-09-17T11:52:00.000-07:00

Wings

Name - Dominic Brice
Alias - Dom, Willow, Short Stuff, Poison Dwarf
Age - 23
Residence - Chez Gayz, Fenton
Profession - Bitch4U And Fellow Bar Whore
Favourite Pose - The ' Dafter-The-Better'
Trademark Fashion - Ripped Denim, A Cigarette, Well Hidden Ginge
Smokes - Surgically Attached To A Cancer Stick 24/7
Drinks - Pure E Numbers And Sugar
Loves - Dancing, Smoking, Bitching, Conveyer Belts, Flashy Lights, Hed Kandi, Gimme (x3)
Hates - People, Social Ineraction, Racial Diversity, Being 'PC'
Role - Pure Entertainment Pocket Sized For Your Convenience, We Love 'Im!
Most Likely To Say - Anything Derogatory With A Dry Twist
Least Likely To Say - A Compliment When Sober

Bex!

2005-09-17T11:43:00.000-07:00

Wings
Name - Rebecca Drury
Alias - Bex, Becci, Tonka Tits
Age - 22
Residence - Chez Lez, Bucknal
Profession - Fellow Club Whore
Favourite Pose - The 'Symmetrical Grin'
Trademark Fashion - Hammock Bras And Rare Lesbian Makeup!
Smokes - She's Too Innocent For That
Drinks - Doesn't Take Much But Cheeky Vimto, Southern Comfort And Apple Sourz
Loves - Cat, Frapping, Popcorn, Getting Away With Anything, Hed Kandi
Hates - Dirty People, Sick, Penis', The Morning After
Role - The Loveliest Lovely Person You'll Love To Meet!
Most Likely To Say - A Girly Ickle Giggle
Least Likely To Say - Snake Bit And Black Please

Of Green T-Shirt Wearing Hairy Chested Bastards...

2005-09-15T16:14:00.000-07:00

WELL IT AIN'T EXACTLY A CHEST RUG!

Wings

Hello all! Finally recovered from blackpool this afternoon (thursday!) and legs are no longer acheing. However, the strict diet of full fried breakfasts and chips have played merry hell with my skin so although I may have turned 23 last friday I still have the complexion of a 14 year old!
We don't give a flying fudge however as I've been eagerly tapping text messages into my new phone to the adorable Richard all week, and my 'ten' has been 'smite'! Yes I'm officially doing everyones head in with the fact that I'm really into this guy and the only factor that seems to be against me on this occasion is distance - which has never stopped me in the past (re: Vince). So it's all glowy bits and bluetits unless Stropon has a word with 'those Gods'...
Just had a night round Martini's with Dicky and Ju after a lemonade with the guys up tuns. Watched Mean Girls and forgotten what fun it is (Lindsey Lohan pre-emaciation) and the numorous one liners Martini was famous for back in March. All good fun.
Have also signed on for GNVQ's at work - if only for the fact they take about 3 months to do as oppessed others I've done and you get a quick £50 just for completing them so that'll go towards the Liverpool trip on the 14th... the next city on the mimsy ivasion tour!
Other gossip includes Julie and Gen finally getting it on after years of pent up dyke frustration, Joan fancying Adam (who doesn't it seems) oh and I may have mentioned a guy from Warwick uni I've developed a major crush for... ahem.

RICE!!!

Wings x

Of Blackpool Indigestion...

2005-09-13T15:29:00.000-07:00

WOULD YOU GIVE HER A PUSH?

Wings

Oh yes, for those of you not yet over the weekend to end all weekends (be it through tonsilitis, being smitten again or Stella's one liners) here's another snippet from the wings library archive. Look at her mounted on her swing... GLORIOUS!
Went to see '40 year old virgin' (amongst many a joke on a certain person we think the film is based upon) and gotta admit it's a really sweet film, as well as being very funny! Due to the onslaught of SFT05ptIItbsb as well as a busy night for the understaffed club on saturday, the sunday social was only attended by myself and Dom. Such slap dash lack of presence from the rest of the staff shall not go unrecorded despite such lame excuses. Especially as it was the first decent film we've seen in ages (coughcoughthecaveandredeyecough). Fell into bed sunday after a quick banter with Charlie and Adam up the club then work monday.
Spent most of it texting adorable sex god Richard (the guy from blackpool, not Dicky) arranging our next meet and fielding questions to my unknowing colleagues about the 'pu**yfest' that was blackpool. Monday night was another jinxed journey on our national railway network and I officially despise peasant wagons with a whole fresh venom! Stayed at my dads overnight then went shopping in Nottingham today with my step mum. We were most impressed at the next clearence store, their burtons and the mecca of all casual high street wear, H&M (cue choir of angelic creatures). So it's back up there at the end of the month with wages (of which there is hardly anything left post Stellafest so thank god for weekly top ups a la club).

Keep smilin kiddies,

Wings xXx

Of Accountants, Bells Whiskey and Ooh La La

2005-09-11T07:32:00.000-07:00

THE LADY OF THE WEEKEND, MISS STELLA ARTWAT!

Oh my freaking god! How awesome was STF05ptIItbsb?!
Friday ended up as a bit of a rush jobby as we had a somewhat late arrival. Was cool as ever to see Princess again so after a good chin wag of a catch up gettin ready go out and some vodka and cranberry juice, we hit the tiles of Mardi Gras. She was there. She sang to us. She made us laugh. She made us cry. She made us squeal at one point. Stella is a legend. Please find below excerpts from said night:
"Quentin Tarantino is releasing a new movie - Resevoir Wogs. Oh don't hiss you'll be telling it tommorrow"
"I wanted to sing Katrina and the Waves but I can't get the backing vocals"
"I was as pissed as a matress in a nursing home"
"Stand at the other end of the room you're tipping it over"
Had us howling. Also had a personal birthday message which made me cream on the spot. Sigh. Big thanks for that guys. Ended up doin bar b after that with goldfrapp being the song of the night (ooh la la indeed) and red aftershock chasers (damn you martini), then onto the new bar faith. Walked in. paid £1. Walked straight back out again. Four trannies dancing on a bar the size of the front of the tuns in a georgian style setting aint 'a superclub' if you ask me. Less than impressed we dragged stroponstoke and the gang up to flamingos. As impressive as 'Lolly' miming live onstage with two overweight cocaine fuled cheerleaders in Kittys tights can be, it seemed to do little to phase Stropon who berated me with the blame as a 'hairy chested green t-shirt wearing bastard' so as you can see she was back on form friday with many a lemon suckin face! We ended up having possibly the BEST night out EVER amid lots of dancey choons and vodka. I ended up suddenly being in Los Gringo takeaway (as is religious when visiting blackpool) suddenly nose bleeding all over. Excused myself and sat by a phone booth to have Princess carry me off home. Only the next morning I actually found out it was Martini who hauled my ass back to the b&b with some as yet untapped mimsy strength!
Saturday saw a biiiiig lie in with all plans to pleasure beach dashed with ensuing hangovers. Saw Princess off at the station and slept for all of 2 hours before we headed to the front for chips and curry sauce with hen party groupings. After a deep and meaningful conversation on how big seagulls are we took our time getting ready and got into the flying handbag where it was 'f**kin roastin' in there. Ah Sherrin you were with us in spirit! Much more of a view last night but truth be told we were all feeling a little drained still from the previous festivities. Neil was the first to drop on the way to Mardi Gras for our rebout with Stella. I had a piccy taken and everyfink with her and she did her swing number. Classic! Then it was bar b and flamingos once again, although the return of Martinis tonsilitis and my thirst for anything NOT containing vodka made it a comparitivly tame night and caused early departures from 'A Gay'. Made much more interesting by a guy I spotted in a blue polo shirt with the most amazing blue eyes and smile. Made many awkward glances and advances through the medium of subtley organised dance to get closer and find out his name was Richard. An accounting student. Who happened be stopping in our hotel too. From Leamington outside Brum. 20 (21 this weekend coming) and currently studying in Warrick. One word sum this fella up was WOW, as agreed by all gathered! Talked all night about everything and nothing - looks, body, smarts, sense of humour he has it all! Really really sweet guy and uber sound. Left blackpool today with a hefty cheesy smile on my face and a new number on my phone that i can see being responsible for a healthy bill this month... Unlike the tonsilitis ridden Martini (doped up on panadol and neurofen, can't remember driving us home at all!) and a rather quiet Dicky (reasons not given, just a bit tired we think) I was full of energy still until we got in the car. Now drained and planning a six day sleep!
Didn't see as much of Paul, Steve, Colin and Neil as previous times (different accomodation and no pleasure beach) and only saw Chris in flamingos despite discoverin he too was in the same hotel as us! But a big big thanks to those of you who did make it and didn't cancel after I paid the room deposits lol.
I'm off to soak my jellied thighs in a bath and knit my head mush back together. Keep smilin y'all!

Wings xXx

Miss Lunt!

2005-09-09T05:01:00.000-07:00

Wings

Name - Ian Lunt
Alias - Miss Lunt, Lunty, Fair Maiden Of The North
Age - 22
Residence - The Metropolis Of Manchester, Not Local
Profession - Banker and Superclubwhore
Favourite Pose - The 'More-Flesh-The-Better'
Trademark Fashion - Flared Trews, A Line Zips
Smokes - Not At All, She Is A Lady
Drinks - At Work, Yes
Loves - Clubbing, Muscle Marys, McDoogles, Massage
Hates - Psycho Ex-Boyfriends, Family Issues, Admittin To Missin Stoke
Role - Ex Tuns Resident And Brother Of Mercy, Fellow 18th Century Scribe, We Miss Her So
Most Likely To Say - Hola!
Least Likely To Say - I'm Moving Back!

Of SFT05ptIItbsb. . .

2005-09-09T04:45:00.000-07:00

STELLA CLEARS HER AIRWAYS IN PREPERATION FOR THE BIG NIGHT AHEAD...

"STELLAFEST IS UPON US - bow down and submit to it's glory..." - Prince Steven of Bozlum, '05

It's here. It's pretty queer. We'll all be marinated with beer (or sweet tasting alchopops and vodka). Either way the event we've held dear since march has finally arrived. My hair is trimmed, my plastic at the ready, my tan is peaked and my new dunlop all green flash shoes are poised to boogy. The only let down thus far being that Matt and Jez dropped out after I paid their deposits but we have a Gareth on the reserves bench to take up rooms in mardi gras hotel... Martini, Dicky and myself shall be travelling up at 5:30ish to meet Princess Stephanie, Steve, Colin, Neil and Paul in the las vegas of the north coast. Unfortunatly the Queen Bee herself was unable to attend as she has a family occasion in london but her spirit shall be with us in the heart of the trashiest weekend to be planned ever. For God's sake 'Lolly' is appearing at flamingos too - "Hey Mickey!"
So until my return I bid thee all fair morrow - a quaint tale beginneth...

Wings xXx

Ricky!

2005-09-08T07:42:00.000-07:00

Name - Richard William Porter
Alias - Ricky, Lil Dude, 'The Missus' (not mine of course)
Age - 18
Residence - Sneyd Green (Don't Pretend You Dunno Where It Is)
Profession - Ex Student And Potato Botherer
Favourite Pose - The 'Can-You-See-Any-Boogers' Angle
Trademark Fashion - Inside Out Seams, Beanie Hats (Yay)
Smokes - Once Upon A Time He's The Naughty One
Drinks - Vodka, Any Flavour And Colour, Preferably Large
Loves - See Agent Benji!
Hates - Potatoes, Queens, Interviews, Paranoia, Dial Up Connections
Role - Fellow Trisharite And Similar MSN Tramp
Most Likely To Say - RICE!
Least Likely To Say - Anything Remotely Rude

Agent Benji!

2005-09-07T18:08:00.000-07:00

Name - Ben Cumming
Alias - Agent Benji, Music Meister, Sarge
Age - 19
Residence - Close Enough To Britannia Stadium Hear Da Choons
Profession - Gentleman Of Leisure And Vodawhore In Prep
Favourite Pose - The 'Arty-Farty' Look
Trademark Fashion - Polo Shirts, Baggy Jeans, Adidas Shoes, Belts
Smokes - No He's The Good One
Drinks - Anything In A Shooter Glass
Loves - See Ricky!
Hates - Pernod, Whingey Rents, Banks, Patience
Role - MSN Tramp and All Round Sound Agent Spy Of The Underworld
Most Likely To Say - Meh
Least Likely To Say - Of Course I'll Hold The Line...

Of Absinthe...

2005-09-03T01:48:00.000-07:00

Woah... last night was somewhat of a sucess. Found out that another major perk to staff drinks is that you can use your vouchers to purchase absinthe at £1.20 per shot - yes £1.20 per shot (to be repeated in a Bruce Forsyth type way). Needless to say me and Dicky made the most of such a disgracefully good offer. Crawled into work today feelin somewhat sorry for myself (it's the mimsy in me tryin surface) blaming Bex entirely for the fact that I can't look into my monitor without wanting to present last nights chinese to it. Have emailed/text apologies to the appropiate parties who witnessed my behaviour last night although nobody can get in touch with NeeNee after he disapeared with Dean (again) last night around 2ish. Was that bad I had to be hoisted off many a surface including walls, stairs and car parks! Stuff slowly returning to me as the morning wears on but now gonna concentrate on lookin BEABT and keeping my stomach contents stomach contents...

Wings xXx

Of Wings' Official Spokesman...

2005-08-31T17:07:00.000-07:00

HERE HE IS FOLKS, AFTER MUCH MONEY LAUNDERING HE'S HERE IN 16BIT BEAUTY!

Hello citizens, I am Burnt Face Man. Just because my face is burnt doesn't mean I can't fight crime. I am the official spokesperson of this top blog and I definatly ride bikes faster than that Langsbury bird. Crime is a shit that needs wiping up, and I am the kleenex to do it. I am here to protect you all, straight bi or gay (I'm not gay, I have a calendar with naked ladies on it at home) from such horrors as Bastard Man, Man Spider, Taps Man, Anger Man and that shiny tw@ features Slightly Bruised Man who thinks he has a bigger penis but he'll just be a shell of a super hero when his bruised face heals.
That is all. Buy my tshirts.

Of Burnt Face Man...

2005-08-30T10:58:00.000-07:00

MARTINI IS UNSURE WHAT TO DO AFTER INVOKING THE DEVIL IN BEX...

Wings

I'm still sitting in a puddle of my own wee because of this site - www.burntfaceman.com - check out the episodes it's freakin Hill Hairy Arse!

For those of you not in attendance to Chez Lez opening night fun and frolix was had by all involving vodka, lime pop (Martini... it's lime...) and cream cheese dip that never ran out... Ended up at Dicky's with Dan warbling to Singstar and piggin out on pasta so all kinds of fun!
We're now in the process of booking hotels and tickets for SFT05ptIItbsb - it's so officially tangible I can hardly stop from groping the title itself...

Wings xXx

Of Casualty, Retards and Cocktails...

2005-08-28T04:49:00.000-07:00

MARTINI ATTEMPTS TO OPEN CHAMPAGNE IN HIS OWN PATENTED WAY...
Wings

Well, what an action packed weekend we saw at the club this weekend! Friday saw yours truly floating (going between the bars for assistance, organising glass collectors etc but floating sounds camper apparently) on what started out as a pretty tame night ending with Mick Gamble (brother of ex employer) being escorted out at the end of the night by all the doorstaff alongside his son Terry. Was called down to the mens loos only to find Gert was the guy who Mick had punched. Cue my first aid course finally became usuful again. Patched the eye up in reception alongside triage nurse Bex making jokes and doing everything ok. Till suddenly my head went light, I felt cold and sweaty and my legs went weak. As most of you know I ain't got the best tolerence for all things icky (we leave that to sister Paul) so made my excuses and de-gloved before stumbling into the staff loo and gracefully passing out sat on top on the can. Oh the irony. Managed to get Gert sent off in a car while Mick taunted and beat customers and taxi riders alike before we had to get the police out. All kinds of fun 13 of us hiding on the stairs in the dark at 3am...
Saturday just seemed a night for absolute fools and rude people! Was in Trendz on an understaffed night with plenty of gobby or retarded peeps hollerin at me from the bar. Refused to serve a total of three people by the time the night was thru so muchly happy get home in the end but not before having a scream with NeeNee, our very own calender girl... llok out for your own month of Destiny in a store near you soon (probably that dodgy vender outside burtons in the shopping centre round christmas time).
Other than club sh1ts and giggles managed to do some grade 'A' spending this weekend although we behaved and saved enough to one side for the pool of black - 12 days to go! Dicky is out of hospital too on new medication making a full recovery so be sure to lock up your sons, fathers, brothers, uncles and any other family member with a pulse and a penis (though not necessarily in that order).
Bex's housewarming do tonight and it being bank holiday weekend we can see the 'Singstar-athon' and 'twister-dance-fever' (we owe you Sherrin!) to last into the wee hours! Watch this space for news...

Wings xXx

Of Bollox!

2005-08-23T14:01:00.000-07:00

SOME B.O.B. (BOOBS OF BEX) TO TITTILATE THE SENSES!

Yes that is the title word for the last few days. Bollox. There are a few more too but they would turn this page into an adult site. Friday was excellent - soda, fluff, feathers; couldn't fault it. However after bein abandoned in the club wednesday, the talks from thursday that made me more than uncomfortable and saturdays dibalacle of a day left me with moral dilemmas and little strength to actually go out on the night I'd booked off for Oli's birthday. Actually stood at the bus stop before changing my mind and heading back in feelin flatter than Robin Cookes pace maker (so rry is it still too soon?). Que timely arrival of Katie with chocolate ice cream and vanilla donuts for a disney night and long winded laughs and reminicing. Sunday was another poo day to follow feelin guilty having not gone out only to be dragged out returning Charlies keys and forced to drink pints with Martini, Dom, Bex, NeeNee and Dean. 8am monday start wasn't too hot as you can imagine, nor was the 9:30-1am shift that followed straight after at the club. Found out Richard (Dicky) was taken ill with his Chromers and kept in for observation where he remains at the hospital tonight for camera in the guts thingy. Managed to buck him up with well placed tweety pie inflatables and car bumper signs so gonna grab an early night for tommorrow - with his parents bein away me and Dan are takin turns babysittin him around work. This while the other staff from the club text us on how smashed they are on the trip to blackpool. ROLL ON SFT05 ptII!!! I need to party hardy out of stokey! :'(
Not makin coherent sense now due to lack of sleep, bein pi55ed off at children and coffee comedown.

Lots of luv n sh1t,

Wings xXx

Of 'Runs With Fluff' and 'Sleeps With Cows'...

2005-08-22T17:54:00.000-07:00

Wings

As promised (threatened?) here is a sneak preview of one of the pics going onto the club website by septemeber - for select others mail me or request on here; there's six in all of various characters such as 'Deputy Martini', 'Destiny Dukes', 'Sherriff Dan' and 'Dolly Drury'... you know you want to...
Weekend update on the way tommorrow night we promise as it's another long winded one and I'm off to bed (I'm sure you're all klempt in anticipation).

Wings xXx

Girl Wonder!

2005-08-22T09:52:00.000-07:00

Wings

Name - Katie Forster
Alias - Girl Wonder, Peaches, GW, Kiddee
Age - 24
Residence - Kidsgrove, The Chavish End
Profession - Journalist And General Skiver
Favourite Pose - The 'I'm-Not-Trying-Honestly'
Trademark Fashion - Pink, Pink, Pink, Pink and Baby Pink
Smokes - Dot Cotton Menthols
Drinks - Everything
Loves - Ice Cream, Blue Jokes, Kick Boxing, Ab Seiling, Tickling
Hates - Reading, Smurfs, Carrots, Reality TV
Role - Ice Cream Slurpin Girls Night In Type And Ex Wifey
Most Likely To Say - Le Singe Dans Ma Chausette
Least Likely To Say - No Thanks I'm Full

Charlie!

2005-08-21T05:32:00.000-07:00

Name - Charles Spaull
Alias - Charlie, Chase, Half Pint, Charlene
Age - 23
Residence - La Tuns, Fancy Hanley Town
Profession - Jeweller And Fellow Bar Whore
Favourite Pose - The 'Cheese'
Trademark Fashion - Solar Powered Head Panel, Bird Belts, Fluff
Smokes - Dirty Dorchester!
Drinks - Whenever He Ain't On The Other Side Of The Bar
Loves - Design, Decorating, Eddie Izzrd, Hed Kandi, Dressin Up
Hates - Ooooh, I'm Gonna Be Careful With This One...
Role - Fellow Dress Up And Costume Designer, Ex Boyf Who Can Still Have A Chin Wag Over Coffee
Most Likely Say - Beeeeeen, Dubery, I'm A Heffalump!
Least Likely To Say - Thanks Neil LOL

Of Being Fluffy, Wet And Mostly Nekkid...

2005-08-19T19:55:00.000-07:00

"NO HONESTLY LOIC, THIS IS HOW WE GREET EACHOTHER OVER HERE IN ENGLAND"

Well, I'm sat here in front of my PC at 4am saturday morning in my dressing gown stuffin me face with Apple Pie. Woop! Tonight was cowboys and indians a la club and to say I went a bit 'out there' with the costume is an understatement. I wore suede shoes, knee high brown cowprint tubes, a pair of fitted lycra shorts, cowprint flaps front and back for loin cloth effect, white body paint stripes and a headband with a couple of feathers in it; along with my new native name 'Sleeps With Cows' (oh the irony). To say I looked a lil camp is like sayin the black death was the sniffles. Never felt so paranoid or uncomfortable in all my life, but once Charlie (Runs With Fluff) got on the bar with me in his similar attire all inhibitions were lost. Cue soda fights, black bootie shakin, sexy pole dancin and any other moves that would show off our assets and creep Martini out! Absolutly soaking wet but still managed fit in a trip to asda after hours in full regala of about 8 fancy dressed peeps! Next month - angels and devils night. Imagine the Wings....
Am totally exhausted being as Dean stopped wednesday night so didn't go bed then and last night was visiting day so didn't stop till late either. Still lovin the new job though and passed my creditation today with flying colours so I'm on the floor as of monday (skipping 3 weeks more trainin) EEEP!
Achooo, I bid ya'll goodnight

Wings xXx

Of Passing The Time... Again...

2005-08-16T05:26:00.000-07:00

MARTINI FORGETS THE NAME OF ANOTHER SHAG THE MORNING AFTER...

Wings

If you're bored at work or generally pratting around at home and run outta faceparty profiles perv on, try this lul' challenge;

Sit in a chair and rotate your right leg clockwise. Keep doing it for ten seconds or so and draw a number '6' in the air.
Your leg will sart rotating anti-clockwise!
Pointless. Yes. Fun... well no but I just killed 45 seconds for you.

Indian costume coming along really well although we can't find face paints for body art fer love nor money - may have to resort to Destiny's lippy!

(Red Skin) Wings xXx

Of OHP's...

2005-08-15T05:23:00.000-07:00

OLI OVERHEARS SOMEBODY IN HANLEY OFFER A ROUND OF DRINKS FROM HIS BEDROOM...

Wings

How insanely boring are Overhead Projector demonstrations? After fours hours sleep my head is currently bobbing like a bladder on a stick. We blame Oli fully after yesterday goin to the cinema to watch 'Crash' (uber yawn) then off to Edwards, Tuns and the Club with Martini, Oli, Charlie, Dom, Beccy and Kat. Martini and Dom weren't drinkin so departed early with Dan and the lesbians left after doin a lot of sitting down (again, uber yawn). However, Lil Brother convinced me to stay out and get mingin with him and we'll admit I didn't put up much of an arguement! Stayed until the end jiving along with Tash and Thelma from Red then had a quick walk home from hanley talkin to Oli about all sorts of stuffs. Then it was talkin to Irish Boy on MSN, Kitty on the phone bein mucky and into bed with Beauty and the Beast (the film, not Chloe and Oli respectively) only to snooze my alarm to death this morning! Note to self - when aquiring new phone through Vodawhore make sure I get one with a half decent alarm!

Wings xXx

Of Feeling Anew!

2005-08-13T21:40:00.000-07:00

MISS BURGER-CLIT AIN'T BEST PLEASED TO FIND ICE IN HER BACARDI...

Wings

Following my fantastically good week and continueing groovy mood I decided to call this a new chapter in the life of Wings. That and the fact I got bored this afternoon so went out and bought a pair of hair clippers - am now a number 2 all over! The bonus? Minimal fuss, no stylin, no rushin, no prep, people wanna stroke rub it all the time (as tonight proved), and it actually suits me! Downside, the wind feels a whole lot colder...
Has another fantastic saturday on the bar and FINALLY managed do a shift as me Martini and Nee Nee. Was only there for half an hour and we'd already drenched eachother in carling and ice! Ming. Lots of dancin, gropin and singin kept the punters happy and made plenty of tips too! Even scored a phone number lol.
Off to forage for easy fix food as it's 5:45am and there be no takeaway open...

Night y'all
Wings xXx

Of Long Ones...

2005-08-12T19:15:00.000-07:00

ALWAYS ONE TO ACCESORISE, MARTINI ATTEMPTS TO MATCH HIS SKIN AND SHIRT!

Wings

...And that's days dear reader. Lets start at 1.30am friday morning when I was called by a very annebriated Oli and his best mate only to have them announce a 10 minute arrival. Upon which they searched through bedding, wardrobes, closets, cupboards and doors to see where I was hiding my shag. Only problem? Was only me and the cat in. Was then accused of havin a wank and lookin shifty and guilty, then Youngun went in a bit of a tizz sayin I was keepin stuff from him. Note to self - beware of Oli in drunkern situations...
Managed bail them out an hour later to leave the flat stinkin of kebabs. Spent most of the day at work in casual clothes, doin an hours worth of secret shoppers in mobile phone stores in hanley, dinner in wetherspoons, 15 minute presentation to the rest of my team, finish work at 3, Wolstan for a pint or 4 with everyone, home for tea, club work 8:30-2:30 then a quick meander outside with Destiny and Charlene (Charlie). All good fun but gonna stuff myself with bagels and get into bed now methinx.

Todays quote: Stuey Griffin - "Oh my, it appears my wee wee has developed rigamortis..."

Wings xXx

Real World!

2005-08-11T15:38:00.000-07:00

WINGS RECONSIDERS OLI'S OFFER FOR DRIVING LESSONS...

Wings

Can I just ask - why did nobody tell me how much EASIER life is on these normal hours? The sun is still out when I get home, I have evenings free left right and centre yet I'm getting paid MORE?!?!?! Why I didn't do this sooner is beyond me...
Feel free to pop over to www.martinistoke.blogspot.com and see an idea RIPPED off me, raped and put into mimsy form. Yes, A gay has started profiling which at least is saving me the job here and there...!
Also as penance to my random behaviour I have decided to start a quote of the day feature here. Starting with...

Martini on tipping fresh cat litter into the bin - "It was a proper brain fart"

Titter.

Wings xXx

Asda Roll Back (And Think Of Britain)

2005-08-10T10:56:00.000-07:00

Wings

Now available at Asda Wolstanton, buy one glitzy Destiny Diamond and get a ready cooked chicken free! Offer subject to availability - see instore for details...

... And Then There Was Sunday...

2005-08-09T11:12:00.000-07:00

A DIFFERENT SORT OF REACHING OUT - NO FAITH MIND...!

Wings

Woah! Where to begin? Sunday was a little less anticipated than previous ones due to the D-Day sunday with the whole Dicky and Rob thing (too much phlegm, not enough lovin) so wasn't really expecting much. How wrong I was. Me, Martini, Oli, Dom, Dan and Grace met up in Aruba for fun and frolix in the window chav spotting, then onto a few bars (including JFK - thanks Aaron for the specials!) for triple vodka red bulls so by the time we reached the club it was all blurry and very hyperactive! Had the best night in Bar2 EVER and that isn't me bein dramatic (we leave the drama to the real queens) - it freakin rocked. I even managed to dance full force to... *whispers*... steps... I know stroponstoke will be proud.
We all ended up on the pavement outside tearin Linda's trousers apart and laughin at her offerin a flash of her testicles through what was left of them to any unsuspecting taxi driver - laughed so hard it hurt. Ended up back mine for burgers, massages and DVD's with Dan passin out on the couch and Oli me and Adam crashin on the bed. Never went to sleep so decided pull an all nighter by gettin in the bath at 6am and ready for my first day as a vodawhore with little sleep and Red Bull Shakes!
Got powerpointed to death and a lil sleepy but lovin new job already - lots to take in and trainin is intense but having a good time AND REAL HOURS!!! Worked the club (still not been to bed) monday night then managed 4hrs sleep last night before work today. Gonna have an early one too as methinks sleep would be a good idea... all in all a lighter and shallower blog methinks! If you fancy a dip in a little more depth (and find out stuff about certain Bee's) feel free to fly over to www.stroponstoke.blogspot.com where Steve is having his own reflective sessions!
On a slightly serious note I hope Martini is okies with his family stuff and 'a bsexual' loves 'a gay' very much and is here for him whenever he needs a sesh! Right, serious bit over, Muffin is makin me all Mimsy-like

Wings xXx

The Week In Which The World Went Womph!

2005-08-06T22:48:00.000-07:00

ME, VICIOUS QUEEN, DAVEY LANE AND RANDOM BALOON HEADED LADY!

Wings

Well, thankfully topped the week on a bit of a high thanks to being handed my baby 'Trendz' bar in the club last night and tonight - we got shakin, droppin and spinnin a la cocktails and had an absolute blast albeit miffed I missed my shift on main bar with NeeNee and Martini. Has really helped distract me to get back in the club and just have a GOOD time at work. Gettin nervous now for monday but lookin forward to more frolix and hijinx with NeeNee like tonight in the tuns!
Spoke to Davey Lane tonight too for the first time in about three months and considering the last meetin I had with him was the above pic he looked a lot better - was worried he was ill before but apparently it was just work gettin to him. Miss seein the fella (in a matey way) and got wrists slapped for not texting him ON THESE TWO WAY MOBILE DEVICES but made more promises of catchin up again soon - won't hold my breath bless him.
The whole Kiki thing (as avid readers will know) got turned tits up, flipped out and inside out sunday when she found this page for a day (see previous note to self), following which were several 'disaproved' questions, statements (apparently I ain't from 'this world') and randomness via text. And each one I replied to seemed to either escalate the matter or do no good - like pissin petroleum on a forest fire. Bad thing is, now mutual buddies are seemingly being dragged into the fold as well as the influence of booze+mobile phone = major headfuck. And once more I'm made out to be the bad guy. Personally I wanted to leave it be for her to think about what she'd found out etc etc but now I wonder if the whole thing was ever really a problem, with that sorta solution...
This ramble is probably Martini's fault due to the talk about the big 'D' word. Fearing the reaper, 'D'ing alone and 'D'ing single were all matters we conteplated over custard donuts and iced fingers as well as first loves and the illusive ONE! Yes, Martini and I can be as shallow as puddles at times but we have our meaningfuls too...
I'm off to bed now - 6:45am - with a hot choccy, a purring Kitty and Lion King 3. What more could a guy want? Night night

(reflective) Wings

Jeremiah!

2005-08-05T06:54:00.000-07:00

Wings

Name - Jeremy Cooper
Alias - Jez, Jeremiah, Dutchess
Age - 21
Residence - Back In The Abbey, Near Anley Duck!
Profession - Teaching Assistant And College Gurl
Favourite Pose - The Eyebrow Curl
Trademark Fashion - Pebble Dashed With Red Candle Wax (Not As Kinky As It Sounds)
Smokes - Not Anymore She's A Good Gurl Now
Drinks - Plenty To Make Up For The Lack Of Fags, She Ain't That Good
Loves - Mayonaise, Mincing, Gymming, Baby Oil, Dressing Up!
Hates - Anthony Speed, Pollen, Being Patient, Hair, Bein Poor
Role - Dance Partner And Geberal ChitChatter In High Pitched Voices!
Most Likely Say - Hiya Duuuuuuck!
Least Likely To Say - I'd Never Get Back With Alex

Davey Lane!

2005-08-04T14:07:00.000-07:00

Wings

Name - David Lane
Alias - Davey Lane, Babybuns (Cringe)
Age - 25 (We Think :S)
Residence - Milton Near Scabby Abbey
Profession - NHS Youth Worker (Piccadilly)
Favourite Pose - The Grin And Bear It
Trademark Fashion - Clothes That Wouldn't Have Fit Him 2 Years Ago!
Smokes - Undoubtedly
Drinks - JD And Coke
Loves - Andy, Harry Potter, The Corrs (Cringex2), LOTR, Stitch
Hates - Anything Do With Comics (Lol), Being Stuck In Stoke, Oatcakes!
Role - The Only Person I Ever Said The Big 'L' Word To, Chloe's Mother!
Most Likely To Say - We'll Meet Up Soon
Least Likely To Say - Shall We Meet Up Later :D

Joan!

2005-08-04T13:45:00.000-07:00

Wings

Name - Jonathon Clayton
Alias - Joan, Jonty, Joany, Sister
Age - 24
Residence - Packmoor, Bible Bashing And God Botherersville
Profession - Mortgage Advisor And Club DJ Supreme!
Favourite Pose - She Says Venture, We Say Olan Mills!
Trademark Fashion - Chequered Shirts, Perma Tan, Perfect Eyebrows
Smokes - Not At All, Mummy Said She Was A Good Girl
Drinks - Little Large Brandy And Coke Or Apple VK
Loves - Squealing, Massages, Bluey The Dog, Burberry Toilet Water
Hates - Drug Peddlin Ex Housemates, Craig Robinson, Drinkin Games
Role - Sista Extrordinaire, Ex Housemate And The Person Who Became My Mentor When I First Started La Club!
Most Likely To Say - LALALALALALALALALALALALALALA
Least Likely TO Say - Apple VK Please (Without Falling Off A Bar)

Virgin Trains - As Handy As A Chocolate Fire Guard

2005-08-03T15:52:00.000-07:00

ONE MONTH AND SIX DAYS TO GO - ARE YOU BOOKED OFF WORK FOR PART 2?

Wings

Mmmm, chocolate fireguard... yes anyway. Dear reader, I am currently sat in my sexy bachelor pad feeling a little tired and full of chinese food. What could possibly be wrng with this picture? I'm supposed to be full of chinese food at my fathers in Derby. However, after being told by the ticket salesman at Stoke-on-Trent station that the train on platform 1 was mine I rushed onto it only for it to pull off and announce it was a London Euston train; next stop Milton Keynes. Cue panic, followed by fear (no cash on me at the time) then anger. After being told by a rather rude 'train manager' (managing god knows what) that I would have to get off in MK and he's deal with me later, I sat on a luggage shelf for the hour long journey trying to warn my Dad. After he got wind of it he complained to customer care (he's the type to demand a free holiday to barbados for the inconvenience) and rude blond asswipe gave me a laundry ticket signed by him to get me back to stoke. Via Stafford. With hour waits on each platform. Cue a six hour adventure from 3pm - 9pm and now I'm pooped and not looking forward to my next train ride! If it wasn't for Ricky textin me and makin me laugh I woulda decked the fat business man sweating and answering his 'crazy frog' mobile (I mean really, STILL) sat next to me (or on me with his arms).
Decided against the club and watched a DVD instead gettin fat and tryin not think of the last few days/weeks/months. Decided to go holiday shoppin tommorrow so I got somethin look forward to and then it's club workin at the weekend then new job trainin starting monday - I can't WAIT!
Roll on christmas I say :D

(choo choo) Wings xXx

Of Flaming Nekkid Men

2005-08-03T04:16:00.000-07:00

DESTINY GETS FIMBLED AND FROZEN IN ASDA 28/07/05

Wings

Woke up yesterday feeling less than human believe me and not at all up for the shopping fest that was manchester. This wasn't helped by the fact that Mr Hole In The Wall refused to give me any more than a £20 of the substantial amount I have in my account so was unable to rape H&M for my retail therapy session too! After being there for all of an hour and a half I left early after purchasing a few starbucks coffees, a comic and a sweat band. Woopdebloodywoop!
Came home and sunbathed for a while wasting texts talkin to Ricky and tryin to do Bo' Selecta impressions over sms. It's actually harder than it sounds!
Then met up with me Uncle John who's visiting from Inverness (who I can talk to bout anything and everything so we did) and saw Fantastic 4. OMG. Jessica Alba (Sin City) getting down to bra and pants and Chris Evans (the guy out of 'Not Another Teen Movie' not the ginger millionaire retard) getting naked/topless at every oppurtunity sure bucked my evening up. Followed by a bit of Eddie Izzard and a couple of jars down the Rigger where we met me mum and Glen so not too bad a fnish.
Feel far more human this morning and my Bo' Selecta texts have improved ten fold. Still texting and emailing Kiki but it seems like a bit circle of statements whereby it's repeated constantly what was said before so dunno what think of that situation.
Off to Derby tonight to stay at my Dads and get my ass whooped on the PS2 by my 8 year old bruv Patrick - I lurve bein the big kid (a shock to many of you I know but heyho)

ME SAY BOOGLE BOOGLE BOOGLE BUMBLE SQUAT!

Wings xXx

Somebody Other Than Death Has A Plan...

2005-08-01T19:43:00.000-07:00

REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH - OR LACK OF IT AT LEAST!

Wings

... OK I'm gettin a little suspicious now that somebody has broken into one of Queen B's trunks, stolen a book of wiccan curses and blasphemed me into the perpetual realm of spinsterhood... Official for three days (dating a lil longer) and Kiki is no more. Believing I have a long and complex history with Oli (who is anything but complex in a nice kinda way) she went a little fruit loop on my ass this morning after discovering my blog. Note to self: in future allow potential dates to view this site on the understanding that they are 'cool and groovy' with all the facts before you go getting happy about the situation. So whoever it is with the cheap suedesque bound book of love curses for the modern wytch (purchased in the whsmiths january sale at £4.99) drop it cos' you're freakin me out!
Other than that had a really nice day with Oli (who I am not/never have/never will having sex with for the record) NeeNee (that would be incest) Charlie (bridge water under - arrange appropiately) Dicky (see Charlie) and Dan suggin coffee, buyin boxers and watchin Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (which was suprisingly good as I only went for the free staff tickets).
Bath time methinks - manchester upon the morro beckons for H&M!
Night night y'all,

B xXx

I Can Do Phoenix's Too...

2005-08-01T02:35:00.000-07:00

ONCE UPON A TIME (2002) THERE WERE THREE BAR WHORES...

Wings
... what is the plural to phoenix? I mean there's only one legendary phoenix but even in relation to the possesive (the phoenix's wing) it still sounds pretty lame... anyhoo
Made a bit of a premature rebirth back into the club last night thanks to covering a shift so did my first 3hrs worth in bar2 with NeeNee and the lovely Kitty and it really got me on a buzz again! Martini was a lil wankered to say the least and Oli arrived with the (much oggled) Amy and Amy! To say Neil wants their hair for Destiny is an understatement...
Felt a lil shady on Kiki though cos' it meant cancelling on a sunday night in the tube with her and her mates but these naff ass dimples don't just work on my bank manager so is okies... will be other nights we hope.
SOOOOO good knowing I'm (kind of) off for a week although I seem to have crammed it with manchester visits, seein family here and in derby and driving lessons (mwahahahahahahaha) so will no dobt require another one soon.

ANTEE TRISHA BE SAYIN DON'T TALK TO NO STRANGERS!

Wings xXx

And Here It Is...

2005-07-30T19:54:00.000-07:00

RUN CHLOE, RUN!!!!!!!

Wings

Well, as promised here's my 4am blog to greet the fact that I'm RG3 free! Had a (tipsy) last shift in Noahs where we were pelted with work so it went very fast. Was with me main biatch Tasha (fancy a shag?) and even had the honour of Thelma (Jeff) on my last hours. Went up club to meet lots of Red/White Lion/Noahs staff with Kiki and Oli and had a wikkid night boogieing and drinking. Damn the butch one for swappin her half sipped aftershock and claiming it was mine, BLEEEURGH! Managed say proper goodbyes to Tash, Flange Marie, Thomacina, Thelma, Holly Molly, Gert and Rob so was all good.
Now nursing a bruise mind where the nippy Kiki got peckish on me chest so gonna go put some ice on it. Fer all the staff at RG3 who made it big thanks fer makin a class night. For those who didn't (Ellen, Chris, Kerry, Lynn etc)revenge shall be sweet.
Also discovered my protege has evolved into a lil brother which was pretty kewl so I even gained more family tonight LOL.
Vodawhore and bright new (sociable life) here I come!!!

Wings xXx

Of Personality Tests...

2005-07-30T05:49:00.000-07:00

Wings

Here's a little something keep y'all amused for 5 minutes. If people post their answers on here I'll tell you what they mean by monday.

List your favourite animal and TWO words to describe it without using colours or names
List your second favourite animal and do the same (no colours or names)
Give two words describing the sky (no colours or names)
Give two words describing the ocean (no colours or names)
Give two words describing white water rafting (again no names or colours)

Blue Peter badges to be won, send your full details on a large SAE to www.wingsstoke.blogspot.com

Wings xXx

M4rcus

2005-07-29T18:46:00.000-07:00

Wings

Name - Mark Barnett
Alias - Mummybear, M4rcus, Markeypoos
Age - The Youthful Side Of 25
Residence - He Likes To Say South Cheshire, We Say Maybank
Profession - Courier And Twink Oggler
Favourite Pose - The I'm-Butch-Honestly-Luv
Trademark Fashion - Eyebrow Piercings, Hoodies, Shorts And Vests
Smokes - He Confirms No
Drinks - At Christmas, Birthdays And Barmitzphahs
Loves - Stuey, Curtains (As In Hair Not Drapes), Busted, McDonalds Hot Dogs, Newquay, Scooby Doo
Hates - Knee Operations, Most Of His Exes And Their Exes, Alkyfrolix
Role - All Round Top Bloke And Good Friend For A Deep And Meaningful (Conversation You Dirty Pervs)
Most Likely To Say - ScoobyDoobieDoooooo (Ahem)
Least Likely To Say - That McFly Outrank Busted

Of Feeling Like Heaven...

2005-07-29T16:35:00.000-07:00

WARNING! THIS SCENE IS GOING TO BE REPEATED WITHIN 24HRS (with better hair)

Wings

Well, I've had a few texts enquiring about thursdays date so lets start there. WOW! Met up with Kiki (who now knows of her 'Bobness') at fiveish in wetherspoons. My refusal notwithstanding to enter the chained premises we spent a pretty awkward hour in there before heading along to watch Madagascar at the flix. I've forgotten how good it feels to be able to pratt around with, hold hands with and kiss someone in public. Had a wicked time there before heading to mine for an episode of Little Britain (cue dodgy impersonations, "I'm a lady!") and Moulin Rouge. Watched about the first five minutes worth and spent the rest just talking about anything, everything and nothing. Was sooo kewl find that we had so much in common and we're on the same level (scary to think of another me with longer hair and different pieces I know but stay with me here). Lots of tickling, teasing and cuddling to fill the evening with before she went home to leave me smiling SO cheesily.
Spent the night in the club for Charlies birthday (to which he didn't turn up, oops) with Oli and covering Destinys toilet breaks (of which there were many believe me) on the decks so got to see what a thursday is like a la club. Not too bad. Did the usual harrassing of policemen in asda after escorting Destiny on her dairylea dunkables mission (much to Oli's amusement) then chilled at mine watchin Lion King 3 doin massages for them both in my thru lounge as Destiny de-trannied to NeeNee again! So all in all a fun filled day that's made this lil b-sexual feelin pretty darn good!
Just finished my last (flat) shift in Red too as I'll be covering the Noahs tommorrow for Sonya then it's the leaving do so I forwarn you all of a slightly anneibriated message around 4am online...

Wings xXx

Lexx!

2005-07-27T20:19:00.000-07:00

Wings

Name - Alexis Sadler
Alias - Lexx, Lezza, AAAALLLLEEEEEXXXXX, Alex, Miss Faghag, Al
Age - 22
Residence - Gayland, Brighton
Profession - Part Time Layabout Ex Student Scum
Favourite Pose - Cross Eyed Pissed Look
Trademark Fashion - Black, Green Silver. Nuff Said.
Smokes - Faghag In More Than One Sense...
Drinks - Martini (The Spirit, Not A Gay)
Loves - Dirty Poofs, Gay Clubs, Gay Lives, Gay Gay GAY!
Hates - Viggo, Sorry Margo, Mingers, Keepin Her Tits Covered
Role - The One That Got Away With Bad Timing Issues
Most Likely To Say - BEEEEEEEEN or You Aint Ma Mavva!
Least Likely To Say - What A Sensible Blouse!

In Three Words...

2005-07-26T16:34:00.000-07:00

MARTINI ENJOYS ANOTHER FRIDAY OUT IN THE BREEZE WITH RUBY ON HER KNEES!

Wings

You know when you're doing the flirty-getting-to-know you texts and they do the inevitable "describe yourself in three words"? Well, it's about as easy to fill out as a little blue box on faceparty. So to get an honest P.O.V. I phoned a friend (well text) and asked for their opinion. The response? 1) Dependable. Quite a good quality methinks. 2) Blond. As in the hair colour not density. As you can tell this person aint known me long as I change my hair more than my bedding (and I certainly don't sleep in a pit of pubes, skin cells and cat hairs unlike SOME I could mention). 3) Freak. FREAK! When pressed for an explanation they assured me it was in regards to my 19 bodily tricks which have proved far more popular at parties, drinking festivities and gatherings than Brandons contributions!
Needless to say, I didn't forward these onto Kiki (or Bob, honestly gals) so I remained GSOH, bubbly, hypo, honest, loyal, friendly and we popped trustworthy in there too. Let the arguments commence! Squirm worthy I know but need all the help I can get these days!
In other news an electric shutter dropped shut on me at work causing much squashing a la Indiana Jones. Now have icky ribs to match my bleeding ears and nose and the scratch marks on my sides from falling down the stairwell. Looks like I've gone toe to toe with Linda Lush when I get nekkid.
And on that note I bid you goodnight readers!

RIIIICE!

Wings xXx

Of Uppers!

2005-07-23T21:00:00.000-07:00

C H E E S E ! ! !
Wings

There's nothing so good as feeling absoulute lower than a worms tit depressed and then having your whole environment shift over a period of days! Brief recap - wednesday saw me have a very good night out mauled only by the fact I got shit faced and told Youngun I still liked him and how I wanted some space get my head over him (again we only had a couple of 'dates' but still dug the guy at the time) although lookin back the whole situation was probably blown wide open because of how desperate my relationship status appeared! Anyhoo, after a day of hidin up my own ring we managed have a quick chat and everything is honky dory as mates and I'm still doin what I can set him and NeeNee up (brave lad).
In the meantime I find two songs to really lift my spirits - 'High On Emotion' by Thomas Falke and 'Feels Like Heaven' Dario G. I advise anyone who feels slightly pants to get these choons NOW because they are the next best thing to a cure for cancer!
THEN a lil birdy tells me that a girl from the BBQ (see burnt offerings) who I have had a crush on since meeting her briefly last summer also thought I was ok! Cue big yay from Wings!
So went out tonight from work (I would be the speeding cloud of dust heading towards the distance) with Emz (the birdy) Oli and Vicky (or Kiki for short). After much awkward sober dancing from the pair of us, one 'almost' kiss and Oli's own 'renditions' of queen songs we managed to cause a lil murmour or five from the surrounding people by her proving she's a very good kisser. Hence, beaming cheesey smile and a planned date (suitable for a pair of 8 year olds I might add) for thursday!
Am also officially into my final week at RG3 so will no doubt be a pain in the arse come saturdays leaving do. I will warn all club patrons that I plan to be tres mingin!
So there you have another week in the mind of wings - my bed has still only got a couple of pillows to hug for now but got a date with a funny, gorgeous 19 year old police lady in 4 days time to look forward to!
What is there REALLY to frown about for long? (that my dermatologist would approve of anyway)

A very positive Wings xXx